Lounge Lizard Prayer

There have been several pieces in different newspapers about The Clty Lights Book Store in the last couple of days.

this is highly moral. it discourages drinking and driving.

I ADORE grilled cheese sammiches!
My grandmother had one a them there grilled cheese sandwich maker thingies that flattened out the bread and caused the cheesy goodness to ooze out of the sides like finger meat out of a stab wound.
I miss my grandma and she has only been gone for a week now. Funny but I I hardly ever thought about her in the last nine years but now that she isn't accessible anymore, I tend to think of her more.
Was I allowed to mention how the funeral went?

The funeral....
With the aid of my good friend John Labatt, I armed myself for the coming events. I thought that a bottle of TEQ would have been in order but was nixed by my loving partner. The church service was long and boring and fraught with TOO MUCH RELIGIOUS CRAP. Well, the woman WAS deeply religious, but still. As is my M.O. it wasn't two minutes into the service when I noticed right beside of the organist on the stage was a full set of fancy chrome and black drums, highlighted by a beam of sunshine streaming through a window. I turned to my daughter to point and whisper 'gee, I wonder when they will start the rock band up?' And then I started to laugh. I laughed and lauggghed and laughed some more, which got Rachel started and for 10 loooong minutes (despite the swats from Dan) every time we thought we were over it, we would steal a glance at each other and it would start again. Finally Rach got pissed at me and told me to move to another seat, which made me laugh some more. This DURING the service, not when we were waiting for it to start. I glanced around the room later to many disapproving eyes. DAMN I hate it when I do that.. I should have just kept my eyes diverted.

And on to the graveside service..
I gots to ride in a limo! On the way there, we went through one of those speed watch set-ups with the large readout to show how fast you are going, and we were about 600 miles under the speed limit. Riding in the limo I felt like a rock star, although there was no bar in it, being a FUNERAL limo and all. I was told this was the reasoning, but I find it faulty in the extreme. What better place THAN a FUNERAL limo for a well-stocked bar? I imagine it's felt that that might cause family fisticuffs to spontaneously erupt at the graveside, causing poor aunt Tilly to fall sprawling into the hole, skirts hiked up to her waist in a most unlady-like pose, clutching the coffin lid for all she was worth. Why can't aunt Tilly just be barred from imbibing and picking fights instead of ruining it for all the rest of us? It was a very touching service, replete with a piper (being as my grandma was Scottish) to pipe her on her way whilst she was lowered into the cold hard ground. As an aside, her husband was buried to the left of her and the bastards put the HUGE mound of dirt TO THE LEFT all over poor ol' grandpa. I almost got going laughing again as my grandpa was a large man with a *very* large stomach and to see that atro-turfed mound piled up like an old man's belly was almost too much to bear. I waved and said bye bye grandma when we left, and we headed back to the church for the tea.

The tea...... TEA!? Who thought of that?
Not even a beeer for the dearly still-here?
To make the best of it, I wolfed down a dozen or so little teeny tiny triangle sandwiches, had a great laugh with my relatives that I hadn't seen for years, and nipped out to the truck to visit my friend John Labatt every once in a while. So all in all , it wasn't as hideous as I thought it was going to be.

I once played a monk whom I cleverly named Thelonius. That's the whole story.

used to call him "Melodious Thunk"

Most of my recent family funerals have been cremations, so no burial. They have a sort of time for eulogies, then food. Then I get drunk. Nobody in my family understands the necessity for getting drunk and mourning, but I do. When my mom dies, it will be a nice bottle of single malt scotch. The way she's going, it's about 50-50 that she'll outlive me, which would save me the trouble of mourning her. She has a giant antique Chinese punch bowl, which I probably wouldn't get anyway, and thirty volume set, "The Encyclopedia of Piano" which I got a shot at.

I just learned a cool thing that, while completely off-topic (but who's on-topic?), is something every site-moderator should know...

Let's say Anna runs a bulletin board called "Things I Hate". One day, Zim posts defamatory remarks about Posthumous on the board.
-If Anna exercises editorial control over the board (i.e. deletes
irrelevant posts) then Posthumous can sue both Zim and Anna.
-If Anna doesn't exercise such control, then Posthumous can only
sue Zim.
This only applies in USA.
Stratton Oakmont v Prodigy Services Company
Cubby Inc v Compuserv Inc

Cool, huh?

if posthumous posts a comic that Antwan can't understand, Antwan can sue the editors for hurting his brain?

You can only sue people who have a lot of money. I mean, yes, technically you can sue anybody, but just try hiring a lawyer to sue someone with no significant assets.

Cracks...I happen to like the zirealisms...just don't understand them. and..antwan... is just....There...he doesn't do much..

Perhaps a disclaimer. Something like, "Warning: This humor is so subtle that you might not get it!" or "Beware: This comic may only be taken at face value; do not look for coupons or capons as the cost of production prohibits their use or inclusion."

maybe you should consider the benifits of medication

You should read Sean's piece about eXtreme elvis!

If you are cutting and pasting some shit that you've already written for something else, then it ain't a comment.

Oh, when the homies say, "Word!" they mean MicroSoft Word?

There's a lot on the 'net about the literary cut-up technique developed by W. S. Burroughs, et al. I accidently used that method in collitch when writing papers. I'd go to the liberry, and take random notes, writing blocks of stuff. When I had enough parts, I'd alphabetically re-order them, then do a re-write. It worked most of the time.

..for uncooked doughy balls of dough.
Having drank my way through a whole bottle of vodka today single-handedly and without forethought, I lovingly stroke my pudendum AND keyboard in unison. I hate it when ppl have an opiniom (sic) of a person when they barely know them and THROW their credibility about with glee and abandon and I am INCENSED! Nay, I am just plain angry. And irritated.
With a large spreading rash.
On the other hand, one of my fish has once again spread (sprayed) eggs onto the glass of my aquarium precariously perched above my hard drive

I heard that California Fish and Game busted some Russians for poaching sturgeon in the Sacramento River and selling fish eggs for $60-$100 a pound, which is way better than the normal beluga price. What kind of fish you got, Killies? Swordtails? Red Oscars?

hermiunus...
I see that the editors are letting me run AMOK.
Is that a Good Thing or bad?
Did I tell you I know not your sex but would love to runnnnnnnn my tongue around your brain because you are delectable?
Male or female it matters not.
Just hold still my love.

Now I feel oogie.

..or a bad way?
Don't forget that I don't even know if you are human let alone male or female. And that I would still lick you from ass to entrail regardless.
Keeping that in mind..still feel oogie or just violated?

But oogie is how lil' boys feel when the girls want to practice on them. I recently found a 4th grade class and there were four girls who wanted to practice on me, so I felt oogie a lot that year. I am a DOM (dirty old man) and not much shocks me anymore. But cathexis is generally better than anticathexis, and I am currently harder than Chinese arithmetic. From that you may conclude that I am male and flattered by your indecent proposition.

I was born in Pennsylvania
I was raised in France
I'm a dirty old man
and I wear silk pants

Make it stop.

this makes it much sweeter.
I love my bscuits tender and male all the moreso. Oh how I RHAAAPsodise realizing his gender! Warm they may be but blushing he is, and it looks good on him, male or female it matters not oh no. Just to be living, my friend, just to be living.
Caressing his flesh that I cannot see I still am excited ..nay TURGID (in a girlie-way) with gid, I want to hug him in glee. The reasons are many, but the one OUTSTANDING REASON is that he cared. He fucking cared.

It's not that I don't enjoy all of this, but usually by this point someone admonishes, "Get a room!" Remember to drink some water tonite so that you won't be too dehydrated in the morning. Some hair of the dog helps, too. My head feels like it's full of wet sand when the blood vessels contract. But yeah, En vino est veritus

Lets change the site's name into "thingsthatsuck.org" cause...even though I do hate most of the articles....I want them to be funny, you have to admit..Antwan brought alot of stupidity with him when he started posting. I miss those days. I should like become the Article Reviewer..cause I don't sudmit anything..so I'm like a crowd...the people, not the paparazzi, or the star..the People...ahh..that sounds good.

Long, unrelated comments with those telltale copy-paste hard returns are basically just spitting in everyone's faces.

Perhaps a Livejournal is in order?

Yer more like a backseat driver. Definitely not a Greek Chorus.

I am by no means religious, and I'm underaged, but I'll keep this prayer on file.

My plan: I'm going to higher a beefy fellow of african decent to say "yeuh" after whatever a said. He should also have a skinnier, wiry (sic?) conterpart that would say "yee boyee!" This is my dream.

I need a greek chorus, because I am very, very softspoken. Or I could get a five foot mask of my face with a megaphone mouth, but I'll just end up falling out of cupboards, scaring the children . . .

Was it here that I found that link?

look for Mindless Self Indulgence, and look for a home-made video with pokemon to the song "Bitches."

They are Atari Glory