By: Annna
[2003-06-12]
Statements I Took Out of My Rsum
meh
If the company ever needs someone to go to jail for its crimes, I'll totally go.
My uterus has never caused me to miss a day of work or school.
I wouldn't mind getting scratches, scrapes or bruises in the line of work. I don't like heavy physical labor, but if the job is mostly filing with the occasional opossum attack, so be it.
I can get behind fascism, especially if I get a nice uniform.
When sneezing, I don't make any noise that is not physically necessary.
If I have email, I will not forward anybody
anything.
I once sorted a shoebox full of industrial hole-punch confetti into its original colors using two quilt pins and a pair of tweezers.
If you let me have gloves I will clean up anything.
If I HYPOTHETICALLY killed a bunch of people, could I bury the bodies behind the office building?
The question is... Were you sincere or just saying you'd never had uterus problems to get the job?
my blood hurts.
I was wondering the same thing about the opossum attack.
p.s. This is funny. It should be on McSweeney's Lists.
I've found that it's useless to get these things printed-up in advance and that I have to write paper for each position. One thing funny is that if you are doing work requiring a security clearance, there is sometimes a gawdawful six-page form to fill out. But if you work at another level, they just ask for you for your name, social security number, and date of birth, no rsum or ciriculum vitae required. So, it is my thesis that if an employer is sincerely interested in you and wants to cover their ass, they take care of the personnel research as rsums and ciricula vitae are of marginal utility. But probably the best career move would be to relocate to the Great Northwest Rainforest, take up forestry and logging, and manufacture masonite, paper products, plywood, plastics, and microelectronic gizmos, including, but not limited to, avionics.
if i were human rescorces, you would be so freaken hired.
"You want collateral damage? I'll give you collateral damage!"
I applied for a "real job" with pay. I always did volunteer work. When I filled out applications to work at Aunt Annie's and Rouses (pretzels and groceries, respectively), I filled out the interviewer's comments section with my own.
I'm still unemployed.
Funny that, I quit my McJob, graduated from college, and now the goddamned temp agency isn't even calling me back.
And that gives me free license to sit infront of the computer until 2 in the morning on a Thursday night. TGIx?
"See you at the party, Richter!"
I get the picture! Cleaning my rifle, and dreamin' of you! I get it..I think.....Sorry king, but the princess is in another castle.
WHATAH!....i have no job
i love this woman and would like to give her a meaningful tonguelashing.
