By: Laconic
[2003-06-19]
Women I Have Loved
Also, Hated
Year in review-
Number of women actually dated-0
Number sort-of-dated who broke my heart- 3
Case Files-
File- PXQ-87123
Codename- Anne
Summary- Anne and I was supposed to go well. She had decided to break up with her longtime boyfriend over the summer. Iasked her out, she said yes. At this point being the lovable social pariah that I am I figured I'd reached clear sailing. I never went out on a date with Anne. After about a week she told me that she was worried that I wanted too much out of a relationship with her. After rambling about how much I seemed to want from her physically (A kiss by the way, I'm a very agreeable guy when it comes to not getting any.) she stated that she was still in love with her ex. That's right she was still in love with him but had initiated a break-up for no discernible reason. After about a month of moping I learned that she was now going out with another one of my best friends. I eventually figured out that she had been pressured into this and didn't want to date him but not before I ran into the arms of...
File- NCC-1701 D
Codename- Elizabeth
Summary- Elizabeth was one of my best friends and after Anne we spent long periods of time ranting to each other, me about Anne and her about her boyfriend. Eventually one night we found ourselves ranting about how we wish we had people more like each other to datewhich was followed by us both saying we wish we could date each other and her saying that she might break up with her boyfriend for me. We then spent a month spending all our time with each other (but not kissing, that would be cheating on her boyfriend) then she went to see him to make sure she wanted to break up with him. She came back telling me she'd finally slept with him and that she didn't want me anymore. This was followed by 3 months of trying to be her friend, followed by 3 months of avoiding her completely, followed by a month of getting over the whole thing.
File- 3
Codename- Rachel
Summary- Rachel is tall and perfect and blonde. She's also about the most religious girl you will ever meet making it ironic in the new non-technical definition that she's the only one of the three I kissed. You see a guy that Rachel had fallen for had convinced her that he loved her and that when you were in love it was okay to "do things together" after they "did things together" for a while he went off and started dating her friend. Because of the vague similarity to my past relationships Rachel and I bonded. Rachel then said that she wanted to not be alone and was happy not being alone with me. So we spent some time not being alone together and this worked very well until she professed that she was still in love with jerk-guy and left me saying I quote "I'd rather be used by him."
Summary- I am an Idiot. Not only do I have a really pathetic relationship story to tell I fell for it three times. I know once is shame on you and twice is shame on me, is there even a term for the third time?
If college is like this someone is going to die.
It makes me feel oogie! But my advice is to learn to tango.
I did not see this coming.
I'd like to thank the academy.
My parents.
And all the talented people who write for thingsihate who obviously forgot to write something this week giving me an oppurtunity.
I hope they fix your email link so all the sexy chicks can email you their phone numbers.
Wow, I must be incredibly ignorant. I thought I was the only guy who had this problem. A couple of weeks ago I was fooling around with this girl named crystal who had just broken up with her abusive fiance. She goes back to Wisconsin, and we're talking, she's saying all this crap about how I'm so sensitive and she's never met anyone like me and she's gonna move out here to San Diego to live with me and all this other B.S. Then I called her the other day, and she's moving out here all right, except she's moving back in with the dude who beat the shit out of her on the daily. I had just talked to her two days before, but she was already so set on this dude that as we were talking she was I.M.ing him and talking about what car they were going to get.
There really is something to that saying about nice guys finishing last. I should start slitting bitches' throats and see if supermodels start stalking me.
girls are fickle, shallow, and evil. They will destroy your soul if they can, and expect you to continue to love them. Run away.
I've tried, honest I have, but I just don't have homosexual in me. And celebicy is right out. So far my attempts to reproduce asexually have been unsucessfull at best.
Posthumous I concider it a test. Only women net-savy enough to figure out the error in the link will have a chance at dating me.
Girls are human. Humans like people they find attractive. Its not really a choice based decision. Its not evil, its just the way things are.
You should just go find a girl that actually does find you attractive if you want more then a friend.
Girls are human? Prove it!
Laconic, give me my life back!
I dated a theists (Catholic). We never went beyong holding hands, and the only date we had was bowling with her parents. She believes sex should be illegal, lest your married.
I had a girlfriend who left me for someone else. Incedentally, it was a girl (we have things in common, in that way).
One relationship, another theist. Five days.
Found a girl. Really sexy little gothic girl. She was accepted to the Louisiana School for Math, Sciences, and the Arts. She loved science. But had a confederate flag on her wall, if you know what I mean.
Lost one girl to a guy that she's been after for a while. He left to go to Iowa because he was "bored." I think that's saying something about how he views a relationship with a nympomaniac.
I mean both the people who like it and the people who don't seem to be saying, I've been there. I mean my big misgiving about this piece is that it's such a twice-told tale, but apperantly that's both it's appeal and it's curse. I want to argue with Corey, what hurts so much about these relationships isn't that they weren't attracted to me but that they were so close to being right for me. I could fire off an article 10 times this size about the girls that didn't like me at all that I wanted. We all have moments when the people we want to love are so damn close to being right and we all need to rant about it sometimes. It's a thing that I hate. Not being in love.
On a more upbeat note I really like that Futurama and Family Guy are on Adult Swim now.
They don't yell, they don't tell, they don't swell, and they're greatful as hell.
I have a thing for older women. I think because I've always identified with girls 5 plus years my senior.
An opera singer came over to visit with my family. She's tall, really pretty, and sings Russian opera. She's also 20something and lives in Conneticut.
I had a thing for the seniors in band when I was in percussion in 8th grade. I guess speaking with a college diction (I just can't spell the damned words, so I avoid them in type), and them not acting like gawky teenaged drama queens had something to do with it. They're all Junior's in college now, and miles away. Meh.
Yep, that would do it for me. She sounds like a class act!
Yes, it is perhaps one of the great tragedies of life that we never meet the perfect person. There are many kinds of relationships, couples being alike, or being complimentary/different. Years ago, someone gave me a copy of the Kama Sutra, which is about more than sex techniques, also how to be a good companion. But I'll stick with the learn to tango advice; to me, a good relationship is like a good dance. Also, being a good dancer doesn't hurt, it's a good way to meet the ladies, and it improves kinesthetic grace.
O for the age when 20-something was considered old. Incidentally, in what state do you live, where kids mature so completely that they are no longer drama queens by the time they're college juniors? I'm guessing a state of delusion. For the sad truth is--and laconic, pay attention--that everything is shit. So unless you drive a vehicle with mags, call people "Bra", and are thus able, for the price of a couple Coronas, to snag yourself a fake'n'bake barstar whose only desire in a relationship is not to be beaten too often, you can look forward to a whole lotta crap, occasionaly interrupted by a stretch of tedium.
I think, by "older woman", Biscuit meant cougs. Have fun with that.
Yes, futurama and family guy really have their moments. Which is sad, because I don't. Have a perfect couple moment, I mean. The fact that being so close to being the perfect couple, and then suddenly you're miles apart again, just happens to fucking much to bear. (I don't think that sentence was grammatically perfect, but you get my drift.) I honestly don't know how I or anyone can ever start the whole process agian. I'm cynical, bitter, sarcastic, cold, and empty. Oh, the pain. The pain of it all. Fuck people.
Everyone, in future, just ignore Eve. Don't reply to her, don't acknowledge her in any way, and especially don't get even vaguely upset about something she says or does, because that means she succeeded in her assholery. She snapped completely when Jonas said the thing to me about "welcome to the 21st century, glad you could join us" and started foaming and ranting about "Too many arrogant nerdy assholes and no original people left" and how "People who keep changing their names on thingsihate enrages me". Yes getting a life; she needs to do. It reflects badly on me, goddammit. I wish I could stop her posting altogether.
Jonas, I clicked on zims link, I click on his link a lot, and NOTHING EVER HAPPENS. Everything freezes. Might have something to do with my computer being SIX YEARS OLD, horribly out of it, and running on various bits and pieces. Oh, what I would give for some money to buy myself a new-fangled CompuBox, full of fast running programs and new features, with a creamy nougat centre. Mmm, computery goodness....
A hard lesson learned is that what Girls say they like, and what they really like are two different things. No Girl can last in a perfect relationship, no matter how much they wish they were in one. They need emotional involvement, arguments, pain. You don't get girl friends by being nice, you get friends.
This could be better if done in the style of captain kirk.
1957 was a good year, a good year for girls who couldn't hold their beer, we would go out to a bar, with sawdust on the floor, I would ply my prey with cheap alcohol until she could barely walk.
I once knew a religious girl, she was kinda hot on me, it was in germany at a youth hostel, we were sitting on a climbing frame, I had been drinking cheap german red label vodka from the bottle, she had not. Earlier in the day I had walked down to the town from the YH with the keys and no one had been able to get into our room. German teenagers danced infront of my eyes busting up ping pong tables with their techno dancing skillz. We must have really been gelling well me and her, maybe it was my silver tongue, or maybe just the alcohol fumes that pushed her over the edge. When she told me how much she "Was looking forward to the second coming." At that point my system went into shock, clearly it was not saturated with enough alcohol, although the germans were still spinning on the ping pong tables. Later that night I spent a while sleeping in differnt girls bunk beds, as well as under them.
I recently saw the girl, she was with a man, she looked happy.
Bitch.
It was a teenage wedding
And the old folks wished them well
You could see that Pierre
Did truly love the mademoiselle
And now the young monsieur and madame
Have rung the chapel bell
"C'est la vie", say the old folks
It goes to show you never can tell
They furnished off an apartment
With a two room Roebuck sale
The coolerator was crammed
With T.V. dinners and ginger ale
But when Pierre found work
The little money comin' worked out well
"C'est la vie", say the old folks
It goes to show you never can tell
They had a hi-fi phono
Boy did they let it blast
Seven hundred little records
All rockin' rhythm and jazz
But when the sun went down
The rapid tempo of the music fell
"C'est la vie", say the old folks
It goes to show you never can tell
They bought a souped-up Chevy
It was a cherry-red fifty-three
They drove it down to New Orleans
To celebrate their anniversary
It was there that Pierre
Was wedded to the lovely mad'moiselle
"C'est la vie", say the old folks
It goes to show you never can tell
Qu'es-ce que c'est, "coug?"
This was a good article for stimulating catharthis.
My favourite comment (because I relate best to it) is what Jun said:
"You don't get girl friends by being nice, you get friends"
Personally I try to be nice to everybody, but just end up with a heap of boring chick friends. In a way it's the greatest insult of all: if you're a friend, you're not a "threat" (in a sexual sense).
Last week I went to a party, with all these female friends and it was a completely emasculating experience. I felt completely sex-less - not a good feeling.
I could go on, but its bed-time
All my ex's live in Texas
Coug defintions.
twins: Homestar Runner is a Flash cartoon/secret club that tends to infect its fans with a
Simpsons-esque level of rabidity. However, I have a certain amount of Net dignity to maintain, and so have to say things like, "You
haven't heard of H*R? What's your
problem?" rather than, "Oh, it's cool, you should check it out."
I hope Eve secretly likes me.
Hey....has anyone relised that I have forgot to come here in the past couple of days. what a story. don't try internet dating...I got a 40 year old fat retired monkey trainer. I should have known...that "his" pic on the dating sight...couldn't be real..you konw..being BOTH olsen twins and all. *sniff*..how Could I have been so stupid..now I have herpes.
The big difference between a small south-east Louisiana bayou city and, say, back woods Alabama is the accent and the fact we eat boild athropods.
Maybe it's international: women just like to be treated like shit, and I'm to much of a nice guy to do it. Then again, I'm embittered beyond my years.
All the damn sooper markets got hot, fresh-cooked crawfeesh now. I has set in front of the nearest mkt., and et a pound o' crawfeesh washed down with suds. The deli woman is nice, she said not to buy the damn store blackberries, but just go pick them and she gave me a good recipe for blackberry buckle. The best advice about women that I can give is that you will know when you got a good one. Also, besides crawfeesh here, we got boiled peanuts.
What do they taste like? And how about their texture?
Oh god, sorry, wrong site.
There is nothing worse than cold boiled peanuts. I tried one, and I'm sure it's the same as a prairie oyster
Mai, I wen dauhn to da storre and crawfeesh was nearly a dolluh a pound! Come daunh, how's ya momma an nem? Where you at? Mai, dat's nyauce! Well, I gotta get back to da shramp boat.
My family from "Down the Bayou" talks like that. Ever heard of Grand Isle? In twenty years, it will all be underwater! Enjoy the littered beach, constant dead fish smell and noisy heliport while you can.
Bayou Gros Tete is one of my favorite place names down there, and a nice place, too. I was rightly surprised to see a bunch of sugar cane fields around Mamou.
I was thinking that I like regional dialect stories, and you write that coonass patois pretty good. I would be amused at a story of you polin' yo' bateau up the bayou, or jumpin' the Interstate in your airboat.
Like get my programmer friend to write another text translator. 5p34k 1337? Psh! I scoff thee! I c'n speek Coon-ass! Everything said that has an inflection to it that almost sounds like a question. A whole subculture of adolescent girls unsure of themselves because of the media's portrail of the Confident Attractive Modern Woman
Thibodaux (my town) was acutally spelled Thibodeau, but someone messed up on a sign. So people named Thibideau changed their names to reflect the city. My name is Cheramie. Bonus points to anyone who translates it. Everyone knows everyone is Thibodaux, and I hate it. I crave to be a face in the crowd. I might move to Baton Rouge (named after the red stick that seperated Louisiana Pre-Europian Settlers' hunting grounds) and New Orleans, pronounced Nu 'Or-lins, or N'or-lins.
There is a city named Vachere, which means cow pasture. If you come from Vachere, you are more than likely your own uncle.
Get one thing straight about Thibodaux, Louisiana. People who live here never grow-up, at all, unless they leave town after high-school.
Everyone looks the same due to years of inbreading. My mom is from Burgious (Bur-iss) and my dad is from Golden Meadow (number one pastime: drug induced incest).
There is little hope of finding a long-time romantic partner from Thibodaux. There are maybe 3-5 openly homosexual guys, and about the same for girls. The people here are insane, at best. Not the kind of insane that is fun, like cross-dressing and the sort of scrabble we made up in which you can make up word (e-mail for rules). It's all high-powered firearms and trucks, and girls that like to get smacked. This goes from the Projects to the Suburbs. The millionairs who live here control everything. There is a Catholic School (I was kicked out, on account of my heresy) which holds the future of the town: rich, attractive, white suburbanites. Proud to be Americans! I can kill cause in God I trust.
I was going to say that another difference between rural Alabama and Looziana is that Looziana is likely Catholic and 'Bama is likely Bautists. That was a funny picture, the subculture of girls marginalized by the popular media. True in other parts, girls who wear dresses made out of feed sacks, and it's a big day when they get their first store-bought dress. Thibodeaus, I met a few. In Mexico there were lots of Indians who didn't have last names. So, one time a guy was looking for Jose, and they wanted to know "Jose who?" Jose used to wear a baseball hat all the time, a cachucho, so the guy said Jose Cachucho. But cachucho is also a slang term for a jerk-off. Somehow the name stuck, and now there's a whole big family of Cachuchos. I'll take it back about the coonass dialect story, it sounds like you could write one of those sorts of Southern Novels. "Midnight in Bayou St. Charles" or something like that. Anyway, I still like beignets.
HAHAHAHAHAHA....whew.....haha.... Hieronymous Biscuit said Jerk-off. that was so funny.
As the twenty-something woman, I have a few words of advice:
1) Girls are confused and deeply conflicted about the guys they both love and hate. I mean there are things that they love about guys, and they are other things they hate. Ultimately, they have to decide if they can do better or if they believe they have found the one true love and accept him despite his flaws. What this means for guys is even the biggest loser or jackass can find a girl.
2) Guys get in this pissy "Girls only want assholes" mode and think that maybe they should be assholes to get the girls. Any guy that does this is already an asshole and will not get girls cause girls can see that he is an asshole who does not think that women are smart enough to notice that he is an ass.
3) Do not date people from Math and Science schools. They should not procreate. I say this as a graduate of one. Oh yeah, they are insane or will go insane at some point-- some close relationship between being really smart and off your gourd. There are a few exceptions, but likely the people you will meet are crazy, on their way there, or gay.
4) Cheramie-- It means "Dear Friend" or something like that. I think.
5) I love guys who have an idea about clothes shopping. It doesn't feel like I am dragging someone along for a root canal when I hang out with such men. They are few and far between.
6) The twenty-somethings are often not looking for the younger guys. They are often looking to get hitched and start the baby makings. But frankly, some of the older women are convinced that the younger guy will want to have sex all the time, and this is what would make her most happy in life.
I hope that helps you in your search for women. I could give you advice, but it would be sneaky underhanded bullshit that I get furious when I find out it is being pulled.
There's probably a zirealism up and I haven't bothered to check, so this will probably be lost forever, just as well. The thing that's been so shocking in responce to my piece is all the people who seem so much more broken by it then I have. I suppose that's just becuase to me it's a way of venting about these girls who are a part of my life and are still driving me crazy (girl #2 called me today to hang out with her other guy who she got back together with becuase he's in town. 3rd time this has happened by the way.) but to everybody else I'm opening up almost closed wounds. I never meant this to be a commentary on how all women only want assholes or for it to turn into a discussion about how dissolusioned we all are about love. I wanted to write this so I wouldn't be any more. Out with the bad air in with the good. Kind of a ritual cleansing before I weant off and found girls who didn't drive me insane. I suppose it's time to let the real disillusionment begin then?
I think that the real disillusionment begins when you've been married for twenty years, the wife has put on forty pounds and has vericose veins, a double chin and is sprouting a goatee, you got a forty-year mortgage and five kids who all want to go to college, and your 23-year old secretary is starting to look pretty good.
I hardly come here any more because I have been so censored, but I just have to say:
I once had a boy
or should I say
he once had me
Anyway enough about him the slut.
I have more serious things to talk about.. like tonight:
The first time that I caught my daughter in a serious bald-faced lie. It was semi-small and inconsequential in the large scheme of things, yet just the same a bald-faced lie. She said it without guile WITHOUT GUILE and I looked upon her beautiful eyes of blue and her innocent face and I knew then that it was the beginning of the end. She looked at me straight on and lied to my face. I was shocked into speechlessness. I would not even have known except she didnt didnt tell the lie the same way twice and I had the memory of the lame to remember the first story. It was about a missing school book and because I taught her about how to weave words into tales and tales into magic, she used these gifts to her advantage, and wove a tale around me that I believed, because she was my own and I trusted her. Yes, she had lied before, small lies as all children do, but their faces always gave them away. Hers did not. I have a wrenching in my very soul because I can never turn that clock back. The day my innocent lovable completely trustable daughter looked me straight in the eye and lied.
I printed this out and lovingly laid it at my daughter's bedside.
Am I mean or just lying to myself that it is the right thing to do?
You should tell her that if she lies to you that she will get genital warts.
I must say that in my youth i was quite an avid whoremonger but in my age and wisdom i have slowed down a bit and am more of a pussy tycoon these days.
Get yourself a rack of hoes and fuck them all and dont be shy about telling them what your doing and if they have any trouble with that donkey punch that cunt and get a new one or several.
People are evil and stupid they must not be trusted and yu must seek in all your endeavors to destroy and dominate your fellow man lie, cheat, steal, murder, rape, pillage,eat babys and bathe in the blood and waste of your enemies. wallow in the stench of death and rise from your macabre
rights, and slaughter the lambs of god with your scythe and sickle.
and eat a dick mormon dogs!
An unfortunate experience indeed...However it may prove to be a good lesson..(for the future)..As the aincient Greeks said ( s )=Always something good will come out from an unfortunate event (evil)...for example i assume that you will now be more causious whith your relationships.
As for the three bitches you mentioned they do not even worth a place in your memory..
LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!!!
Wow. The only response/ advice I have might not have helped you in these three cases so take it for what it is worth. Thinking ahead to spending a lot of time with someone- marriage maybe but certainly being together for a while, gee this person has to be be a _friend_. You don't have to try to be pals first but you really have to keep your wits about you and look for signs.
How does she treat people? Does she know how to stay away from jerks in general? As you get to know her and dig all the pretty and the smart and the sexy, keep an eye out for the kind and the honest, that's what will make or break you.
>steps down off of soap box<
Honestly though, the idea of dating again makes me shudder. I don't envy single people at all.
I'm sorry, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn't die.
College dorms were like that for me, but tough, get a helmet.
I was so Emo when I wrote this...also my grammer is horrible.
