By: Annna [2003-07-17]

Dinner Out

a dream with pornography

My parents had come to town and we were all going out to lunch. We also had a couple of friends with us, one who was sort of a cross between ~~staniel~~Jim and Jim-the-hero-of-28 Days Later, and one who was like a guy where I work except instead of being wheelchair-bound and only able to growl and spit, he was walking and talking.

We were eating at a restaurant in a large hotel. The room was large, arched and fern-heavy. I had some buttered noodles. Matie had a smallish alligator that had had the skin left on the feet and head, but the rest prepared in the normal way. Around the unskinned areas were strips of rabbit fur, as though they were trying for a cuff and collar effect. She seemed to think it was pretty good.

After we'd eaten, we were surprised to receive a bill for $8,000 and change. Mom immediately took Pop away so he wouldn't notice, then came back once he'd found something else interesting. We tried to figure out what cost so much, with no luck. Double-Jim offered to pay, claiming he was in real estate and made that much money in a weekend. Mom and I protested a little, but nobody wanted to pay that much so we let him pick it up. The guy from work silently paid $21.50, his share, and left. Jim went to the desk to accomplish the hefty transfer, and I looked at the bill. Something about that other guy paying $21.50 didn't seem right.

Sure enough, when I looked at the bill our dinners all came out to under a hundred dollars. However, at the beginning and end were two items for $4,000 each. That was a little odd. I went to the hotel desk to ask what those were. The clerk told me, "Oh, that's for the pornographic movies." "But we didn't watch any pornographic movies!" I exclaimed. "But those two were really good ones - they were about James Bond," said the clerk. I managed to explain to him that we weren't staying at the hotel, only eating in the restaurant, and could not have watched any of the super-expensive pornography, and we went over to where Jim was still signing forms, establishing credit for the $8,000 dinner.

He was pretty relieved when we got the porn taken off the bill.

Chippendale Alligator [2003-07-17 06:20:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

The Chippendale Alligator sounds good.

[2003-07-17 10:11:00] jonas

I am reading thingsihate from Montral! Actually, I don't have time right now to read the actual articles, just post this comment. Okay, plus.

[2003-07-17 13:02:00] Jonny

I utterly hate the prices on pornography. Personally, since the day I turned 18, I have never purchased pornographic material. However, I am not inclined to do so when I stop by the head shop for a snoop through the glassware section seeing as how for a new DVD you are looking at paying fifty bucks! What the hell? Why do I got to be fifty bucks for one DVD? Especialy since its all the same thing.

I HATE expensive XXX movies.

And buying used magazines? That is just gross, why do I want to buy an article some other guy has been holding while wringing his rag?

$5,000 or $10,000 Worth of Porn [2003-07-17 14:16:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

The sailors take up a fund to buy porn for the ship's library, and I guess that an $8,000 porn bill is typical. The general censorship rule is no kids, animals, or blood. When I was in Portland for the Rose Festival, at one point a Navy ship came up the river and docked. And there to greet the sailors, a van load of working girls pulled up and about a dozen women got out and started waving at the sailors. A lot of sailors along the rail of the ship started waving and hooting, and one sailor fell overboard. So much for decorum.

chicken of the swamp [2003-07-17 14:51:00] minna

my dad once ate aligator. when he asked the waitress what it was like she said it was just like turtle. none of us knew what turtle tastes like but apparently it's all chewy and tough.

Turtle Soup [2003-07-17 15:20:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

Like a lot of stuff, you either have to cook it just barely or a whole lot. Like abalone. There are signs for turtle soup in a lot of the beach restaurants in Mexico, but turtles are protected now, so it's nearly impossible to find. Walking down the beach on Cape Hatteras in North Carolina, I saw what I first thought was a huge tractor tire track coming out of the sea and stopped about thirty feet above the surf. I couldn't figure what it was, but then I knew it was where a mama turtle had crawled up the beach to lays eggs. If I had dug at the end of the track, there would have been lots of sea turtle eggs the size of ping pong balls. Snapping turtle soup can still be had, or made. Snappers aren't rare, and some of them get pretty big. There's a bunch of turtle soup recipes.

Alligator and Sausage Jambalaya [2003-07-17 23:55:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

Sweet and Sour Alligator sounds good, but the Jambalaya's more Coonass.

poor Anna [2003-07-18 08:29:00] zhivago

poor Anna

[2003-07-18 08:31:00] zhivago

JSP YOU SUCK

Poor Annna? [2003-07-18 08:33:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

I dunno, working with people who bark and spit might be sort of fun.

Fun... [2003-07-19 05:16:00] Vicarious

Until they spit on my fine crushed velvet apparel.

Hey! [2003-07-19 12:41:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

I think that I saw that movie, "Crushed Velvet."

windup [2003-07-19 17:01:00] Annna

People who spit tend to have a little bit of a windup, getting the phlegm or whatever together and building up steam. It only takes a few direct hits before you become motivated to recognize and respond to that windup.

The secret to people who hit is this: when you are very old, you can't hit quite as hard as you were able to when you were younger. The trick is not to mind, to watch out mainly for your eyeballs and hair, and to keep track of whether or not the hitter's hands are covered in feces. (This can change with very little warning.)

It's pretty nice, actually; we have a snowcone machine.

ED's [2003-07-19 18:07:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

One friend works with high school ED's (emotionally disturbed), and I guess she runs the disciplinary hall. When kids get kicked out of school, they go to that school. Then, if they get kicked out of class, they go to the last chance before the cops, her class. Anyway, she got a buzz-cut because the kids like to pull hair. When I was in Portland, I think that it was McLaren Center that had kids 8-15, and they gave staff an allowance for broken watches and glasses, which happened sometimes. There was one 8-year old boy who could cuss like a sailor!

All content copyright original authors; contact them for reprint permission.