By: Antwan Hearts
[2003-08-14]
Things Antwan Hates
making me impotent
The title explains everything right? Wait, I still think I need to explain this to the slow people (cough posthumous cough). The name of the site is "Thingsihate.org" and I'm going to tell you the thingsihate! My god, the originally of this article is making me impotent.
The month of November. Why must we suffer through 30 days of pure hell every year? Why do we have November? Nobody worth mentioning was born in November. There's nothing of value in November. Nothing good ever happens in November. Thanksgiving is just a day to engorge yourself like sick gluttons. November is shit.
When my roommate masturbates on my futon. Who the hell does he think he is? He's got a perfectly good... errr... decent bed to relieve himself on. WHY THE HELL MUST HE DO THAT ON MY FUTON? I hate it when I ask him what that mayonnaise-looking stain on my futon is and he says "probably mayonnaise". I hope he goes to jail and gets raped and shivved to death. Preferably in that order.
When people chew me out for not having a phone. Why the hell do I need a phone? There's absolutely nobody in the entire world I want to talk to. If I accidentally drink eight gallons of Draino, I'll go stick my penis into one of my many Powerpuff Girl plushies. At least that way it'll be an interesting corpse for the police to find.
Dinosaurs. Why the hell do scientists want to learn about them? THEY'RE DEAD. They're obviously not THAT great if they're DEAD YOU STUPID SCIENTISTS GO BACK TO STUDYING STUFF THAT WILL HELP HUMANITY LIKE CREATING PANCAKES WITH THE BUTTER ALREADY IN THEM! Holy shit that would make me a less bitter person.
When I have a particularly erotic dream and wake up to find that a tick has been feasting on the manly blood of my testicles.
When you're cleaning out your ears but you're out of Q-tips so you use a pair of scissors and you sneeze and wake up in the hospital.
Why didn't Gamefreak like my idea of the 154th pokemon, Molestar? Why?
And that's all. Tune in next time. Same N-64 place, Same N-64 channel.
Believe me, I'm very grateful that you published my submission, but... did you really have to make the quote that will appear in the archives, "making me impotent"?
Oh yeah! I got the first comment! I am the greatest....I didn't read the article yet , but if it's from Antwan , it's a masterpiece!
You have more hate in you than I'd previously imagined.
I enjoyed your hate, Antwan. You've got plenty.
I liked the part about the mayonnaise, but it could have had more ferrets.
you dont have a phone, so you make up for the decreased level of annoyance and socialising... ...with parasites.
i dont think your hatred is whats making you impotent
Perhaps Manly+blood+of+my+testicles will be in the next "How insane people get here". Didn't anyone notice my perfect grammer?
A couple of those paragrabs seem like they have dangling marsupials.
I think I would enjoy these diaries of the training. Please post before I leave the country.
Antwan is great, that was the best article thingsihate has had recently. at the same time, I HOPE YOU BURN FOR THIS....You stole my idea!!! I mentioned on a post, I need to start a weekly article, about things that have pissed me off! but..this was enjoyable...Molestar..what a great Pokeman.
There is a way foreign words are written in English to insure propper pronounciation. Poke'mon is poke-eigh-mon, and wizzards even added the little accent, but people still pronoucen it wronge. Arg! I hate that. Pokemon means Pocket Monster. Let the sexual innuendoes commence.
My favorite Pokemon was invented by Jimmy Hitt, of Raceland, Louisiana. "Pileuhshit, go!"
Despite all of my hard work (Writing articles and killing Posthumous) I've yet to make it into the news. Great, now I have to go after Morticia too.
Antwan should be in the news! and it is POKE MAN...not pokemon....Pokeman, gotta grab them all. YOU STILL STOLE MY IDEA ANTWAN!
Antwan cheated "The Cheat"
That is really not funny. Cheated the Cheat....NO ONE cheats the cheat. If you keep this up antwan, I'll end up haveing to sudmit one of my own!
Perhaps you could take over the Sunday rotation seeing as how that spot is now vacant...
That would be correct, I could do a weekly "what pissed me off this week" type deal. either that or SLIME ON SLIME CITY...The Slime returns! or like in Daneresque 2: this time it isn't dangeresque 1! and Stay tuned, cause in the summer of 2004, DANGERESQUE 3: something..IN 3D!
That it's 24 hours till the first Posthumous Posthumous submission.
And while you've been growing older (and possibly larger) I have already submitted yet another article as this week will seem a little bland. Because there won't be a Zirealism. Because I killed Posthumous.
I'm bored already. Antwan, sudmit a newer post. What will we do without our Zirealism. WhAt shall we do. Oh look..a monkey.....WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE... >oO< Kirby rules.
I killed Posthumous
But I did not kill The Cheat (formally known as Zim)
No, no...no, no, no, no
It doesn't fit the meter but it is catchy and I can dance to it
I give it an 8.
It's only 4 more hours until the next Zireal... oh wait, no it's not. Posthumous is dead! I await the glory that can only be attained by slaying a regular submitter.
On a side note, today, I played my very first game of Dungeons and Dragons!
Were you a dungeon or a dragon?
In other news...if your the cheat where are your poorly animated but oddly appealing flash movies...also where is Strongbad?
Actually, I WAS a dragon. Or... at least, half dragon. And as soon as no Zirealism shows up tommorrow, I'll get into the news! At last, my 5-7 days of fame!
Well..my GREAT flash movies..can be seen on Homestarrunner.com which should be thecheatrules.com...but anyways...Strong bad has started cheating with Marzipan on homestar. and Strong mad is still watching the superbowl...that hasn't been on in months.
this article sucks :(((((
At least not until we'veheard about her step-sisters' wedding!
My morbid curiosity will be the death of me.
Me, I wants to hear about their honeymoon.
I can see your IP addresses.
I'm back from vacation. but the comments on my last zirealism were so funny I figure I should probably just shut up.
poor antwan. how can you kill the posthumous?
and hiero, how could you ask antwan to write about ferrets? how could you?
Yeah!
