Two Poems Found on the Fridge

The well runs drier than my liver the day before payday.

But may I add... MP3! Nothing brightens a day like an MP3 and a cup of Carte Noir!

University of Oklahoma,2001

I was a night time security guard. Sometimes cool, weird people would talk to me, other times I would be stuck listening to a true troglodyte slur through their beliefs, interrupting every so often to ask if they were really a student.

--first verse--

stupid, fucking jesus honkey,
man looked and acted like a rhesus monkey,
saying the problems in the lower niger
were a blown up media paper tiger.

When I was an lil' kid, there was a shelf in the kitchen that had a wooden box of shredded salty cod that made a good snack food. One hot summer, I ran out of salt and felt very sick; but a bit of salt and I was OK. The sodium ion transport between the cell walls interests me, if you don't get any sodium ions pretty soon your metabolism starts to stop. Electrolytes are important, and the first aid for starvation is sugar water with a bit of ash. Yep, biochemistry is hard; let's go shopping!

I suppose you can't publish too many of my articles at once or the FBI might close the sight for pedophilia.

Whatever happened to that "I don't care about your viking ship" poem?

One last thing, could someone explain the contest real quick? Is the story supposed to be about regular submitters and submitter-made characters? (Like knife-kitten and Santa?)

What is this...... letspostpureshit.org dang...this....I hope you bow your head in shame for posting this. Antwan should have been up there! But no....We get SHIT....AHHHH....I'm so depressed...well time for maddox.

those are just brilliant. however, The Cheat is almost right. this place is turning into thingsihateandoccasionallythingsthat *gasp* amusemethatotherpeoplehate. i dont think that would make a very good website though.

i dont mind. i can usually fill my hatetred quotas with the posted comments alone.

Was the love thing a crack about my sucky submission or am I just paranoid?

...also I would like clarification on the contest as well.

Yes, submitters, submitter characters, and editors. So Petey and Viv would be acceptable, but so would Posthumous and Sean. And Knifekitten.

There is a little dry spell right now. I promise to chain myself to my desk tonight after work and hate something. Do the same out in viewer-land and we'll have an old-fashioned hate week.

let's see I have three days before I start college that leaves enough time for

One piece of bad fanfiction

One piece of good fanfiction

And one submission to prove I can write about something that isn't self-referencial or teen-angst.

What with the current political situation, it is expedient for me to understate the hate. I would not want to be accused of urging anyone to violence, necromancy, nor mayhem. Also, my current ISP's TOS clearly state that I am not to make disparaging comments. I like Morticia! is that not proof positive of my hateful nature? So, until I get an ISP who is oblivious to content, take my word about the hate; it's there screaming for square miles of black glass as well as leisurely individual amusements. Oh, yeah.

What's up with swedish fish anyways, I mean, it isn't bad for you is it? Because I ate some today, and I 'ate being sick. Please someone enlighten me...

how do i request the mp3? It sounds like it could be dandy.

My latest article "The diary of an insane video game player" has more hate per square inch than all of Posthumous's girlfriend's combined. I swear that The Cheat has posted over 5,000 times on the official Antwan's Fan Club message board because of this. So, maybe by delaying my submission, you've succeeded in spreading even MORE hate! Isn't Annna smart?

Also, "Tea" from "Me Story" is acceptable for the contes I assume. However, "The Bunny" from... errr... "The Bunny" probably isn't. And don't write anything about Giant Robots. Sean tends to gripe at you.

Oh yeah, and the guy who got raped in the first and probably only, Antwan's comics. What about my roommate? I would love some Slash fanfiction about Nick.

Anyway, the editors beat me whenever I give a post the subject of "Antwan's plan" and then ramble for five paragraphs. I will, of course, submit my fanfiction on August 29th at 12:59. A dramatic sequence will begin, all in hopes that it will reach Annna's inbox in time! At the very last possible moment, it arrives and wins Antwan the... errr... preserves, whatever they are. Can I put nekos in my story? Also, is the phrase "Hate Week" copyrighted? I thought that I say it on Nickolodeon once.

For an experiment in Organic Chemistry
I'll eat a lot of Swedish Fish
Then you can pull my finger
And also make a wish

On a scale of 1 to 10 how offended would you be if my fan-fiction featured you as an evil dictator attempting to take over the world?

What..a Contest...OH I get it..it's the war, but we call it a "contest" toemato tomato.....I might try to post something....But I don't know...or I might just make fun of all the crappy ones....yea..that sounds good.

Of whom were you referring your comment too Laconic? Because frankly, I'd love to read a story about me being a tyrannical dictator. Supreme over-lord Antwan.

Sorry, I can't post anymore today because my fan club is simply cheering too loudly for me to concentrate. Well, that and there's about 15 minutes left in the day. I hope that everyone is working hard on their fan-fiction. Not that it will matter as my submission will be the greatest piece of fan-fiction ever written.

NIB means new in box, I think, and it doesn't have any direct connection to MiB

All your swedish fish are belong to me.


(This might be the start of a new trend , hopefully)

what's this about hate psi? i'm the happiest girl in the world.

If you're bored, start some shit. Feeling lucky? Well, do you, punk?

Spank me, please.
i HID THE s/a'S CELL PHONE IN THE CLOSET LAST NIGHT (DON'T AXE ME WHY
i WAS IMPAIRED AND HE PISSED ME OFFF one two three many times) damn i SEE THE CAPS BUTTon is still... oh never mind I fixed it. and then he got up this morning and he couldn't find it and he thought it's on the
beach miles away where we were having a PERFECTLY GOOD time till he
became Dick Man but not in a good way *vink* and he went to the beach and I was supposed to phone a million times so that the DEAF bastard can hopefully hear it. The only thing is it sounded SOOOOO familiar, the missing phone thing, that I said to the
dawg (yes THAT dawg) "oh ohhhhh........ that sounds familiar" just after he left for the beach.
It was in the back of the closet and when he got home an hour and a half later ah-hahahaha, I told him that it was tucked into his spittle-covered barKa-lounger the whole time.
woof
Am I being a meanie or a righteous self-serving drunken hobo?
ps don't tell on me, okay?
His cell number is 882-4057 if you want to phone and ridicule him.
Wait an hour first.
Juuust kidding about the phone number.
Stop harassing the poor bastard who's number it really is, okay?
oh and as an update, I STOOPIDLY left a drunken message on his phone first before I flinged it into the closet.
STOOPID STOOPID


and maybe a bit insane.
Also, I let Hammie the hamster have free rein of the bed last night and for my kindness, he POOPED on my bed. Numerous times.
AND ran over my slack-jawed face like I was a piece of furniture.
I also stuck him in my mouf, and he got stuck.


Salad tongs are your friends.

Incidentally, I declined to hear the message I left.
I have heard my messages left to him before.
They sound a LOT like this:
garggh jeeeeefjpp freakin jfje00 j;woioo so efii jjepoe

i think morticia wasn't just drunk the night before, she was drunk as she wrote that.

and has never typed drunk, that has always struck me as the kind of thing people just fake to make themselves look drunker than they are. Do you actually type like that when drunk?

But then I am .. you know..
drunk.
Still.
I tend to do a finer job of rambling when I am mind-altered than when I am straight. YMMV < don't you just hate people who type YMMV?
I do, I really do. I hate myself.
Hey... I am finally on topic!
Things I hate:
me

I'm going on a hunger-strike until Morticia stops posting. Is non-violent anger also acceptable at thingsihate?

..and Antwan has been added to my list as he/she doesn't play nicely with others.

I'm more concerned about how we'd confirm this hunger strike. I mean for all I know you could be eating doughnuts RIGHT NOW.

I'll routinely send you pictures of the ever decreasing size of my ass to your e-mail address.

Back onto a more important topic "Not that hating Morticia shouldn't be important) but roughly, how long should our submissions for the contest be?

..are the only person that has a *problem* with me, Antwat.
Perhaps it's because I am stealing your little teeny tiny bit of limelight. That would be a green light I would ASSume. And tart into the bargain.

That is quite a spectacular website, Minna.

I don't mean that in an offensive way.

I mean it in a spectacular way!

I hate you because you tell us your life story in the "comments" section. That's like someone saying "Did you like the Matrix?" and you replying with "Yesterday, I flushed a spider down the toilet".

Stop spreading rumours about my spider.
As though you make more sense.
*feh*

or maybe

*tsk*
I haven't decided.
I love you anyway Antwat, because you are one of Dog's creatures.

(creature being the operative word)
Me love you long time.

I hate you too moro ticia...but thats because Antwan threatins to use the big rubber stick on me again. HAHAHA..She called you AnTWAT..hahah...that's truely funny. antwat......Ooh Ooh..let's all make up names for eacher other..I can be The Shyt..which doesn't rhyme at all..HAHAHAHAH. WHAT..Bring it on HB...Out with the old in with The Cheat!

Dang, Antwan was right, More ticia does make long post......Damn, we only wanted your opionion not your whole freaking life story!

Holy shit Cheat, lay off the sugar for a while.

AntwaN, I have renewed respect for you.
May I bestow upon you a bj that will remove your socks?

But I think that Antwan may want to meet you at the airport.

Oh! You mean these damn things like gummie candies.

Candies are juicy and they taste real great
Oh oh oh the Swedish fish
I want them now, don't make me wait
Oh oh oh the Swedish fish
Go to the corner store, yes, that's
where they'll sell them all to me
I buy many cause they are five cents
oh oh oh the Swedish fish

I'm eating them
hey hey hey I'm eating them yeah
I love my Swedish fish

Don't want no lifesavers or gummibears
Oh oh oh the Swedish fish
And those Hershey Bars, for them I don't care
oh oh the Swedish fish
You know I like all kinds
Of the fish, they all taste real good
I love them all, just so much
oh oh oh the Swedish fish

I'm eating them
Oh oh oh I'm eating them yeah
I love my Swedish fish
oh oh oh the Swedish Fish
Oh oh yeah

Sometimes when I walk in the store
Oh oh oh the sweedish fish
I get this craving begging me to buy more
Oh oh oh the Swedish fish
They sell them in bags, of fifty
and of course bags of just one
You know I like to eat them all the time
Oh oh oh the Swedish fish

Oh oh the Swedish fish
oh oh oh the Swedish fish
Oh oh oh the Swedish fish

I Have finished! but I think the story sucks a little to much. really I'm just hopeing antwan wins, Mine is kinda....not funny. But that's ok. I bought some gumie fish before.

My first fan-fic went pretty well but my second planned story which was to resolve the unresolved sexual tension between various thingsihate members seems to have already resolved itself...so today I write my normal submision (Now with 87% less Teen Angst!)

At first I thought that a rivally would soon develop between us, but now I see a common cause within us. We've both had a submission rejected. We'll both have to live, day by day, and just try to get on with our lives.

And what did I say that made Morticia suddenly start being nice to me? I should say that to attractive girls.

ooh, i hope i make it into somone's story...
i never write fanfiction myself, im always so dissapointed with it i spend hours trying to "fix" it and only end up with somthing even worse.

That it was telling The Cheat that he had too much sugar. So apperantly acting like Strongbad does get you the ladies. Actually I've never had a submission rejected, the only thing I ever submitted was that Women I Hvae Loved piece that actually got posted. My second fan-fic just couldn't get off the ground I mean the only unresolved sexual tension left on the board now is Antwan and Posthumous...and I'm sure as hell not writing about that.

So how many fan-fics are there going to be? We have mine, Antwans....Well thats all that matters..cause ANTWAN WILL WIN!

Someone needs to hurry and post another article. I'm too depressed to write another one right now. Anyway, here's some Antwan poetry.

I wish I was a German fish.
So that I could... uhh... fist...
Something... probably a frisbee...
Because that starts with "F" and I'm
goign for that sort of thing.
Oh no, I just realized that I
Misspelled "going" but I can't erase
it because my backspace key is all
messed up and with that in mind
Monkey.

Finally, I finished my sudmission. I also sent it off. I can't wait...Antwan thought it was funny..I pissed myself when read it again. so here's hoping!

I found a very funny and scary, maybe even creepy, news item a couple of days ago; so, I'm going to write a semi-plausible lead-in for it.

Even though there hasn't been any updates in awhile, I'm sure there will be a Zirealism to start our day. Oh Joy!

I'm not ashamed to admit, I've enjoyed Zirealism since the day it started. Damn it all, it's wholesome entertainment, much on par with that of Bob Hope!

Your evil...You've like all zirealisms, even the one with the penguin and the sun. YOUR EVIL..Your not on Antwan's Team. Destroy him Antwan!

Howie Mandel having sex with the corpse of Bobcat Goldwaite.

Oh yea, it's everything like that..NO you dim whitted dolt, it's nothing like Howie Mandel having sex with the corpse of Bobcat Goldwaite. How the hell did you think of that?

She needs a creative outlet outside of thingsihate.

Go Morticia! Run free into the wild!

Sweedish fish are effing awesome.

My AIM name is fishfullofdollar