A Fantastic Pokmon Adventure!

Starring Antwan Hearts as Ash Ketchum
Posthumous as Tracey
Hieronymous Biscuit as Misty

Also Starring
Laconic as Gary Oaks
Matie as The Gym Leader
Sean as James
Annna as Jessie
The Cheat as Meowth


The sun was slowly rising in the sky as the morning stretched on. Antwan was sitting high upon a rocky cliff with his hands clasped around his knees, thinking.

"How did I ever come to travel with these strange people?" Antwan thought as he looked down upon his companions. "I set out to become a pokmon master and instead, I'm spending every episode... err... I mean day, going on fruiter and fruiter adventures. At least I was finally able to get rid of that stupid electric rat."

Just as Antwan was about to recount the events that led to Pikachu's eventual death, Posthumous and Biscuit began to stir.

"Wow! Look at that sunrise! I've just got to sketch this!" shouted Posthumous as he reached for his art supplies. "Oh yeah, I bet can make a really shitty comic out of this!"

Antwan slid down the mountainside as Biscuit trod off into the bushes for a bit of privacy.

"It's not enough that I have to go shit in the woods, we're also out of toilet paper! Christ, Antwan, could you quit buying so many damn pokballs so that we could eat every now and then?" moaned Biscuit.

Posthumous had finished his sketching and was admiring his work. He had drawn the sunrise fairly decently, however, he had also drawn a puzzled Japanese man underneath it.

"What the hell is this?" Antwan inquired.

"It's my newest Zirealism," Posthumous replied.

"I don't get it," replied Antwan.

"What do you mean?!?!?" Posthumous screamed. "Isn't it obvious? He's from Japan and when it's sunrise over here, it's sundown over there. So obviously, he came to America and is wondering where the night went."

"Why don't you just put a little thought bubble saying 'Where did the night go?' or something?" Antwan asked.

"Because I'm a heartless bastard," replied Posthumous.

Antwan nodded in agreement as Biscuit walked out of the woods and began to bitch about breakfast.

"Uhh... I guess I could fix eggs or something," said Antwan.

"Oh! I like eggs. One time in college me and six of my friends wanted to see who could eat the most eggs so we started cooking eggs but we only had six and there were seven of us so we all ate about 1/3 of an egg each," said Biscuit.

"That's great and everything but do you want any eggs?" asked Antwan.

"Well, (displaying his Internet powers by finding a website that has a picture of two eggs having sex)," said Biscuit.

"That would make a great Zirealism!" screamed Posthumous in an orgasmic rage.

"Forget it! We're about thirty minutes away from Roaden city, where the sixth SUPER FANTASTIC Pokmon League badge is! I don't have time for this," Antwan exclaimed as he grabbed his backpack and stormed off.

"Wait for us!" his puny friends yelled.

"You still owe me a new bike!" shouted Biscuit.

About an hour later, they arrived in Roaden city. It's a large city and Antwan was eager to get to the gym. Posthumous found a large stuffed penguin and remembering his earlier sketch of the sun, screamed something about a penguin looking at an evil sun and started drawing. Biscuit was, as always, pissed off at Antwan for no reason, yet refused to leave his side no matter what.

"So what pokmon do they use in this gym?" flirted Biscuit.

"I think... water types," replied Antwan.

"Wat... Wat... WATER TYPES!?!??!" shouted Biscuit while pissing and simultaneously ejaculating in his pants. "I LOVE water pokmon!"

"Oh really? Well, this is news to me," replied Antwan sarcastically as he watched Posthumous showing off his newest cartoon to some people.

"You see, it's a penguin and the sun is glaring at him all mean like," Posthumous explained to an elderly gentleman. The man gave him the "That's a cute drawing now get the hell out of my way before I call the cops look" before he tore up Posthumous' cartoon and took off.

"...Someday, I'll have these comics published on the Internet and then who'll be the stupid-looking person in the ditch? HUH?! WHO?!?!" Posthumous shouted.

Just as Antwan was about to tell Posthumous that not even the denizens of the Internet would want to see his cartoons, they arrived at a large building with a goldfish on the front.

"This must be the place," said Antwan as he burst open the doors to earn his next badge.

"Not so fast, pip-squeak!" said a familiar voice.

"Laconic!" shouted Antwan. "Not you again."

Laconic was Antwan's long-time rival. He had taken Antwan's first pokmon from him! And it had nothing to do with Antwan over-sleeping the day before he left on his pokmon journey because he kept trying to sneak a peek at his mom in her revealing night-gown. Laconic always seemed to be at least one step ahead of Antwan and always traveled in a bright pink car with the sexiest of transvestites.

"I've already got this badge and forty other ones!" sneered Laconic. "This badge was probably the easiest one I've had to get yet, but it'll probably take you years to get it!"

"That's it!" shouted Antwan. "I challenge you to a pokmon battle right here, Laconic! I'm sick of your holier-than-thou attitude."

"Oh sorry, I've got way too much sodomy lined up to fight you today, maybe another time, loser!" shouted Laconic as he drove away on his special cushion.

"I really hate that guy," muttered Antwan as Posthumous was finishing up his latest comic.

"Why does that Volkswagen have biceps?" asked Biscuit.

"Because it's a MUSCLE CAR!" explained Posthumous.

"Did you get brain damage from having your head shoved into a toilet during high school?" asked Antwan.

"A toilet with a tongue! That would be a great Zirealism! And he'll say..." muttered Posthumous as he wondered off into his own world.

"Right then... let's get that badge!" exclaimed Antwan as he went to face the gym master or whatever they're called.

The gym was very faintly lit as the three entered. It seemed to be a rather large place and Antwan could distinctly hear the sound of running water. Suddenly, the entire room was flooded by several bright lights.

"So, you have come to challenge the great WATER MASTER'S GYM OF ROADEN CITY?" boomed a deep voice. "Fools, prepare to forfeit your quest!"

Now that the room was illuminated, Antwan could see that a large pond rested in the middle of the room. A strange caped figure jumped off a diving board and landed on a floating platform. It wasn't clear whether it was a male or female, but a certain air of not-posting-Antwan's articles wafted from the being.

"My name is Matie and I'll crush you with the rolling tides of war!" He/She/horrible creature of the ninth dimension said. "Challenger! Step onto the red platform and prepare for the fight of your life!"

Antwan jumped onto the nearest platform which just happened to be red. The platform rocked and swayed as Antwan desperately tried to retain balance.

"Woo-hoo! Go Antwan!" said Biscuit as he raised his shirt.

"I just have to sketch this!" said Posthumous as he stared at Biscuit's chest.

"Enough of this foolishness," Matie said, "go Feraliga..."

Matie was interrupted by a loud explosion. The ground rocked from the explosion and a particularly large wave forced Antwan back on land and Matie into the water. Debris began to fall from the ceiling and a large hole was revealed. A hot-air balloon began to descend into the room.

"Isn't it time for a commercial yet?" asked Antwan.

The duo in the balloon begin to recite a long and boring motto that would physically make me less popular for repeating it.

"Put your shirt down, Biscuit," complained Matie.

Team Rocket neared the end of their motto.

"To unite all peoples within our nation - Annna!" announced Annna.

"Sean!" shouted the second member of the infamous team.

"The Cheat - that's right!" said The Cheat.

"Oh no, it's Team Rocket," yawned Antwan. "Go take care of them, Posthumous".

"Hey! Why aren't you terrified?" asked Annna.

"Have you ever been able to successfully do anything except get blasted away five minutes after you show up?" asked Antwan.

"Err... no," said Sean, "but this time's different!"

"Every time is different," said Antwan "Come on, let's jus... hey, wait, I don't have that pikachu anymore, why are you still following me?"

"...It's never been about the pikachu," said Annna.

"What are you talking about?" asked Antwan. "Every time that you've ever blown up something to attack us, it's always 'pikachu this' and 'pikachu that.'"

"Ummm... well... you see..." Annna choked out, "I love you."

A hushed silence followed. Even Posthumous' pencil had stopped (Which caused thousands of people across the world to cheer). At last, Antwan drew in a breath and spoke.

"I love you too."

After kicking Sean, and The Cheat out of the balloon, the two flew far away to begin a happy life together.

"What about my bike Antwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" shouted Biscuit as the balloon slowly floated out of sight.