By: Hieronymous Biscuit [2003-08-22]

Too Much of a Good Thing

thingsihate fan fiction, part two


not the funniest, but the most beautiful entry


Damnoen had been born into a family of eleven children in Thailand. He was the youngest and had four brothers and six sisters. His family was established into a pleasant routine of poppy farming and goldsmithing, and Damnoen enjoyed the carefree role of youngest child. Growing up with the poppy and living a happy rural life, Damnoen developed a natural Buddha smile, but he never laughed.

When it wasn't poppy time, Damnoen would fly his kite with the other children. Often he would have ice cream after flying his kite; he became quite fond of ice cream. The local ice cream vendor had a daughter named Bue and as Damnoen came of age, he and Bue spent much time together. Damnoen's Buddha smile did not change but now found new focus. After a time, Damnoen and Bue married, and Damnoen began to work for Bue's father in the family ice cream business.

So much peace, happiness, and prosperity brought Damnoen and Bue many children, and as the years passed, Damnoen and Bue had eight sons and seven daughters. He taught all of his children to fly kites, and everyone in their family shared Damnoen's passion for ice cream. Damnoen's house was as full of laughter as it was full of children and all of this gave yet another aspect to his Buddha smile, but still he did not laugh.

Damnoen's children grew and had children of their own, and in no time at all he had more than thirty grandchildren. It gave Damnoen great pleasure to smoke his pipe after work, have some ice cream with his grandchildren, and then see how many kites they could get into the air as the sun was setting. All of this seemed to make Damnoen's Buddha smile only more natural, but still Damnoen had never laughed.

One night after another perfect day, Bue heard Damnoen making a sound that she had never before heard him make - laughter - and she tried to wake him so that they could share it.


***



Thai Man Dies While Laughing in Sleep
Friday, August 22, 2003; 9:05 AM


BANGKOK, Thailand - An ice-cream truck driver in Thailand died while laughing in his sleep, a newspaper reported Thursday.

Damnoen Saen-um, 52, laughed for about two minutes on Wednesday and then stopped breathing, The Nation said, quoting officials.

The newspaper said Damnoen's wife tried to wake him up but he kept laughing.
An autopsy suggested that he might have had a heart attack,
The Nation quoted a doctor as saying.

"I have never seen a case like this. But it is possible that a person could have heart seizure while laughing or crying too hard in their sleep," said Dr. Somchai Chakrabhand, deputy director-general of the Mental Health Department, according to The Nation.

The incident occurred in Phrae province, 300 miles north of Bangkok.

2003 The Associated Press

Nevermind the bicycle [2003-09-02 00:11:00] jonas
Fucking awesome. My toque goes off to you, Biscuit.
True Fiction [2003-09-02 00:33:00] Hieronymous Biscuit
Thanks! I read the newspaper article about a Thai ice cream truck driver who died laughing in his sleep, and I tried to think of a plausible preamble to that; I hope that I did Damnoen no injustice. Possibly, someone told him a joke that he was slow to understand. But not a bad way to go, laughing in your sleep; I should be so lucky.
What the...? [2003-09-02 04:35:00] Antwan
I'm not really a fan fiction... It's more of a true story... I feel violated.
joy [2003-09-02 04:38:00] The Cheat
Once again, Jonas = dumbass. It was good, I'll give you that HB, but Where's all the people from Thingsihate??? I want a refund.
that picture... [2003-09-02 06:00:00] minna
is that a flower or an "intresting rare fungus"? that story's sad. of course, now when somone starts the sentance "would it kill you to..." i can immediatly say yes.

fic = mediocare
Mediocare [2003-09-02 06:47:00] Hieronymous Biscuit
Well, I ain't no Joyce Carol Groats.
hmmm [2003-09-02 09:23:00] posthumous
Is this about people not laughing at Zirealisms?
It's about... [2003-09-02 09:45:00] Hieronymous Biscuit
Even if you're a stoned-out Thai poppy farmer, eventually you get it. It could have used more ducks.
no no [2003-09-02 10:08:00] posthumous
it's great. it doesn't need ducks. just narcissistically trying to create a fanfiction connection.
Yes, yes! [2003-09-02 10:45:00] Hieronymous Biscuit
But it needs ducks! I would think that a Northern Thai rural setting would have rice paddies, ducks, pigs wandering around, and chicks with monster hooters.
http://www.farangdingdong.com/
I think it [2003-09-02 12:26:00] Laconic
was very nice, even if it doesn't immediately count as fan-fic it still takes place in the thingsihate universe (i.e. ours), so I think it should count.
[2003-09-02 13:48:00] The Cheat
All of you are lieing out of your ass. Ok it was good, for it's topic. I really don't care about foreigners and their ice cream...in fact, Good for him, One less person that will try to plot terriorst attack. You guys will actually vote for something sucky (not necessarily this) just to watch Antwan lose. Since HB's post are usually full of emotion, I have to give him credit that this was good for that kind of topic.
Add two points to Antwan. [2003-09-02 13:49:00] Antwan
With competition like this, I'm sure to win those preserves. Oh, how the little girls will swoon!
Not so fast [2003-09-02 14:09:00] Laconic
You haven't seen mine yet Antwan...

Not that it'll win or anything...

I'm just saying that you haven't seen it.
Preserves [2003-09-02 14:11:00] Hieronymous Biscuit
If Antwan wins the preserves, he'll likely smear them all over some Japanese school girl.
It counts as fan fiction... [2003-09-02 14:47:00] Editors
in some sort of bizarre, Hieronymous Biscuit kind of way. Who are you to judge? He is the q in "non sequitur", he is the 17 in "incomprehensible".
Noncompetitive [2003-09-02 15:08:00] Hieronymous Biscuit
Welcome to Bad Fanfic, No Biscuit!
http://www.englishchick.com/badfic/
Well allright... [2003-09-02 15:19:00] Antwan
I guees that I'm just upset because he had a golden oppurtunity to use inside-jokes and he wasted it. Normally Sean beats the shit out of me if I try and sneak a crack about Posthumous into an article and now I was finally write an ENTIRE ARTICLE MAKING FUN OF HIM.

I've noticed that almost all of Biscuit's articles revolve around making fun of news stories... And when did Biscuit suddenly become your favorite? Are you going to put HIM in the news now too?
Oh yeah, and before I go... [2003-09-02 15:21:00] Antwan
"If Antwan wins the preserves, he'll likely smear them all over some Japanese school girl."

I'll probably shit my pants first if I win. But, Biscuit does have a good point.
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