By: Annna
[2004-01-20]
Oz vs. Wonderland
Half-Scale Dracula Head Mug Contest #1
So I ran out of monkey skulls, but I still have plenty of sets of nice stuff to give away. The first thing that crossed my mind was my sister's and my Dracula mugs; the former used as a pen holder, the latter in several idealistic attempts at performing its ostensible function. They're great mugs, but you shouldn't expect to fill them and then successfully lift them. Anyway.
The contest was fairly open-ended:
Under 200 words: Oz vs. Wonderland. Winner gets a mug shaped like Dracula's head, except smaller.
We received some amazing entries. Local renaissance man posthumous contributed a lovely
picture, which is totally not goatse so you can feel free to click on it at work or in front of a preschool class.
Twins used the popular "comparison via fistfight" device to the best effect (and seems to have either read at least two of the Oz books, or at least watched the sequel):
The Wicked Witch set her flying monkeys on the Queen of Hearts. The Queen declared war, but after a brief discussion with her subjects, decided the best thing to do would be to have a trial. BYO tarts.
The filthy munchkins wanted The Cheshire Cat to become their totem, and to worship its godly wisdom by performing a sacrifice of Mombi heads every sepnight. They couldn't get close enough, though.
The Mad Hatter and the March Hare held a tea party, with Tictock, Jack Pumpkinhead, and the Sofa, but it turned into unimaginable carnage, courtesy of the Powder of Life. It was about half past eight.
The White Rabbit was shot by the Scarecrow, King of the Emerald City, in a spot of game hunting. He will be missed.
The Gnome King outlawed all chickens in Wonderland, enforced by the Wheelers, but as they were stoned by a potent combination of sleeping poppies and magic mushrooms, caused them to pass out in the Garden of Living Flowers and listen to loops of Robert Smith records. Alice wanted to know what lattitude
she was at, while two guys and a boat made off with the catterpillar's hookah.
But my favorite, taking the second-popular "pop culture tangent/pretend to misunderstand the question" route, was by Preet:
You idiot, you've got your Oz in my Wonderland! Hey man, you got your Wonderland in my Oz! That didn't happen, you retards! Now, having never seen either one, I can't say which one's better or nothing, but I can say this: Oz is a critically acclaimed TV show. While Wonderland may be subpar, it is a movie with...well, I'm not sure who. Val Kilmer? What else did he do, The Doors? I didn't see that, either. He looks like an Adonis, so he can't be that bad. Sweet on the eyes, at least. Well this isn't going anywhere, actually. Maybe I could compare the stories? Oz is about a prison of some sort. From what I've heard, it's about guys getting beat up and raped. And the guy who voices the yellow M&M is on it, too. Apparently he's a badass, or my friend Chet wouldn't always bring him up whenever someone mentions Oz. I wish I weren't friends with Chet. Chet would probably also like Wonderland because it's about John Holmes, who died of AIDS and had a really big penis. I guess it depends on whether you want to see rape penis or AIDS penis.
Rape penis or AIDS penis, indeed! Preet is the winner of a frighteningly large coffee mug shaped like an undead being; everyone else, keep an eye on the News column for the next Half-Scale Dracula Head Mug Contest.
I liked Alice throwing a bucket of water on the Queen of Hearts! I'm glad that there will be another contest, but won't that be "#3 of 2"? Don't let that stop you!
It's #2 of 2 for the Dracula Cup series. Duh!
I would have liked to enter the whole thing, but after I wrote it I realised it was too long. Here's the rest of it:
OZ VS. WONDERLAND
Alice and Dinah vs. Dorothy and Toto, and man that is a formidable team... Dorothy may have a slight advantage, shes older, and well, lets face it Tom, Toto can be vicious, however Alice might have the upper hand here, we all know the kind of temper she has, right folks? Hahalright then! And...wow, look at those two go! Alice is really laying into Dorothy with that pink flamingo, but Dorothy is still in this, and is using her sleeping poppies to great effect. Alice is looking a little out of it, but....oh, Tom, that looked like it hurt! Wait, wait, Alice aint out of this yet...and yes! I do
believe those are her magic mushrooms! Aaaaand there she goes! 20 feet high and still growing! Dorothys getting worried, and has resorted to using her ruby slippers. What a pity its still so early in the game and OH! OH GOD THE CARNAGE!! Alice has just crushed poor Dorothy! And yes, theres her famous victory dance. Well Tom, I
guess that just about wraps this up....no point hanging around for Toto and Dinah...
No Dorothy, there is no place like home.
Well since you all came here only for the main event, I wont go into great detail about the other contenders battles, suffice to say the rest of the challengers performed quite agressively.....
the next part was what I entered.
But I'm happy that my entry was posted, yay! The winner is quite deserving of his prize, that brought a tear to my eye. Made me think of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, for some reason. Or Beer and Roaming In Las Vegas....
Where have I heard that before?
When the dear readers of thingsihate refer to any or all of my posts?
But if you would only bend yourself to the task at hand, I'm sure that everyone would appreciate your bentness. Also, your twistedness.
..and maybe a little twisted.
Speaking of penii (being the on-topic person that I am repeatedly told that I am not).... when I was young and SHALLOW I had this boyfriend who, although one of a gaggle of them at the time, was my very favorite. One night I thought the time was right and I bestowed upon him my firm nubile body. Whilst giggling and wrestling to undress each other under the covers, I grasped hold of a hard shaft that had a decided bend to it. This bend started half-way along and headed west of its own accord. The bend was so severe that penetration was near impossible even for a bendy person such as myself.
We broke up soon after.
That very instant actually, but he wasn't aware of it at the time.
to gregory on becoming a man
for a while there we had our doubts, but in the end we knew you'd do it
from the cutthroat crew
The vicey steel of manhood awaits! Three cheers for me and my typing fingers!
Hip hip
Well, I've seen some "G-Spot Vibrators" that are bent for that purpose. But the Deep-Throaters seem to prefer a downward trend. I have watched a lot of
human sexual activity. So, now I am interested in Electro-Sex and Sybian machines. And Nipple Pumps and Jewelery. I saw some nipple piercings that had sort of coiled springs attached that made them longer over time. One of my many wives was a Somali who had had her labia removed at age five; it didn't slow her down; but rather, speeded her up! OK, enough bilgewater! The bottom line, as it were, is that none of this has much to do with the subject at hand; to wit: Alice in Oz! or some such permutation. Even cutting you a LOT of slack, sometimes you get pretty far afield. Nicht, ja?
No mention of penguins yet today.
Well, I did d/l a program called, "Penguin-dows" that enables one to run Linuxwarez in a Windoze environment. So, what's Gnu with you?
......penguins jussst today on the 'thalidomide/penguin art' page from a few days ago (because I missed it when it first came out).
Go!
See!
As an aside, I PORPOISEfully didn't mention it on this page to stay on topic. And as for penii being mentioned in my earlier post NOT being on topic today, I say: pbbbt to you HB
And I quote the illustrious Preet:
"Chet would probably also like Wonderland because it's about John Holmes, who died of AIDS and HAD A [size=18]REALLY[/size] BIG [size=24]PENIS[/size]. I guess it depends on whether you want to see rape [size=24]PENIS[/size] or AIDS [size=24]PENIS[/size]."
And I quote the illustrious Preet once again without the html tags:
"Chet would probably also like Wonderland because it's about John Holmes, who died of AIDS and HAD A REALLY BIG PENIS. I guess it depends on whether you want to see rape PENIS or AIDS PENIS."
Like a penis couldn't be both? It would save 50% of your dick watching time, leaving you free to go to the bar or such.
The WWW and the QH know the score: no doubt they'd form an alliance and make common cause. The Queen's card-man infantry would supported by the Witch's flying monkey troops. Dorothy (and her coterie) and Alice wouldn't stand a chance.
Pigs have a
corkscrew crank with a left-hand thread! You could open a bottle of wine, but I don't know if I'd drink it after!
That's fun! I knocked the Penguin 201.5 on the first try! Also, glad that you got the link thingie. Arigato gozai-asu.
Day old! Da-a-ay old!
It's day old bread
And it's got blue mold!
Day old! Da-a-ay old!
It's 10%-off 'cuz
It didn't get sold--
I went to the sooper market
To buy some bread
Day old bread
And it's got blue mold
The clerk in the sooper market
Here's what he said:
Day old! Da-a-ay old!
It's day old bread
And it's got blue mold!
Day old! Da-a-ay old!
It's 10%-off 'cuz
It didn't get sold--
Whole wheat, pumpernickle,
French bread, rye!
Day old bread
And it's got blue mold
The mold on this bread, Mon
Will get you high!
Day old bread
And it's got blue mold
Chorus
I'm wondering how much frisson is created from taking a song about bananas and making it a song about bread.
In mold est frisson! There is probably some frissonage in making a song about banana bread, or about moldy banana bread.
Try drawing some moldy penguins!
For the love of gawd, NO!
the pinguins are down!!
I'm sad; I should have visited the site during class. Pesky academics.
Try
here, different address. I just swatted the penguin 292.4! (it bounced!)
I still think I shoulda won. I didn't read the competition details, or enter anything, but still.....IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME.
Believe me, honey! It is you!
after about 5 strikes I hit that sucker 322.9 feet!
not just for breakfast anymore
If you d/l the pinguin.swf, you don't have to keep looking for it. Try
here
I have the penguin now.
thank you, HB.
I wasn't yelling "crap!" at you, another timmy; but because the sites seem to close shortly after being linked. But the last link seems to work still, and the pinguin.swf file seems to be only about 235K--I copied the web address and used one of the download managers to d/l it. It seems that pinguin.swf will play in Windows Media Player in full-screen, but that it is a bit slower, so I can hit the pinguin almost every time! It's discouraging when you think that you really whacked the pinguin and it sticks nose first into the snow and doesn't bounce!
just right click on HB's link and do "Save Target As"
1. a moment of intense excitement; a shudder
2. an almost pleasurable sensation of fright
