By: Annna [2004-01-29]

Heineken?!

half-scale Dracula head mug contest #2 of 2

sadly, nobody tried to replicate Rabban's small animal juice box

First off, apologies for the lateness of this wrapup. Judging a series of "mixed drinks based on the works of David Lynch," to quote the contest rules, seems to take a good deal longer than judging limericks or persuasive essays. Both the Dracula heads will be mailed maana.

People seemed torn between the two criteria, drinkability and relevance to the director/artist. On the one hand we received renamed standard cocktails, on the other we had several drinks requiring objects found neither in Nature nor the off-license. You may wonder: how many of these drink recipes were actually made? The answer, at least for this testing facility, is "some."

Our first entry, leaning towards the drinkable yet authentic, was from thingsihate's First Citizen, Hieronymous Biscuit:

Log Lady

In a six-ounce glass put:
2 ounces Tia Maria
4 ounces coffee
1 cinnamon stick
(dollop of whipped cream optional)

Another Twin Peaks reference came from laconic, with

the Laura Palmer

1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. Triple Sec
1 oz. sour milk
then coke until the glass is filled.

then serve it to someone as a virgin drink.
THAT's the laura Palmer.

brent contributed many recipes, this one the most minimalist:

Blue Velvet (Velvet Crush)
2 oz. Gin
To taste Kool-Aid
Use blue Kool-Aid for appropriate color.

another timmy got to the heart of the matter:

I think we could call this the "David Lynch Movie;" I don't really remember what I saw beyond pretty moving pictures onscreen, but it was good while it lasted; and it made no sense.

1 plastic cup (for holding the ingredients)
1-2 shots of vodka (should be plain flavored)
add lemon soda
finish off by adding absynthe until you don't like the taste.

The winning entry, however, was a lengthy collaboration between pithymood and posthumous; seven original drink recipes with commentary. (We particularly recommend the "Dune" although, not being big-smartie-pants pineapple-orange-banana juice owners, we had to substitute orange-pinapple Slim-Fast.)

Thanks, everyone, for the entries, potable and poisonous. As soon as I find some shipping boxes of a certain dimension, the next contest will be posted.

Mixed Drinks Based on the Works of David Lynch
submitted by pithymood and posthumous.

Blue Velvet
A drink that is both blue and velvety, with the innocence of white and an ice-cold heart.

2 parts Curacao
2 parts Godiva White Chocolate Liquor
1 part Cuarenta y Tres Liquor

Shake with ice, serve.

The Lady in the Radiator
Sweetness trying to hide bitter realities.

2 parts Guava Juice
1 part Rum
1 part tonic water

Serve over ice.

Mullholland Drive
2 parts envy, 1 part sour grapes and some sweet fizz to make it drinkable.

2 parts Midori Melon Liquor
1 part Schweppes Bitter Lemon
1 part ginger ale

Serve over ice.

Wild at Heart
Feel the heat in your mouth. Chase it into your heart with a tropical punch.

Shot of Sambuca
chase with fruit punch

Dune
Taste this and you'll understand.

1 part Glgg drink mix (Ikea) [we got ours at Cost Plus. - ed.]
1 part iced tea

-heat in microwave to hot but not boiling
-let sit ~1 minute

-add
1 part Gin
1 part pineapple-orange-banana juice

Stir, drink while warm.

Elephant Man
Gross, but good on the inside.

1 part Kahlua
1 part Amaretto
1 part vanilla ice milk
2 parts seltzer

Mush up slightly with a spoon, wrap glass in a paper bag, serve.

Fire Walk With Me
Feels like fire holding your hand on a moonlit night.

2 parts Martinelli's sparkling apple juice
1 part Southern Comfort
1 part Cinnamon Schnapps

Mix, serve straight up.

Yes, good drinks! [2004-01-31 06:08:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

I like the last drink, all of the ingredients are good and tastey, and you can dance to it. I like Southern Comfort, and adding cider and cinnamon schnapps seems like a good idea. I bet that it would be fun to drink with Posthumous and get him to doodling on the bar napkins. I usually just draw Volkswagens. I bet that these drinks make it into the bar guide.

another timmy's drink [2004-01-31 07:04:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

Adding absinthe until the drink is repulsive seems like a good idea, that's a fine line. Or not.

Ingrown toenails [2004-01-31 07:49:00] WanjiSan

I've had ingrown toenails treated twice. It's not pleasant. And it didn't last, although for some it does. So now I do it myself: every month or so I get out the nail clippers, the mini-surgical scissors, the tweezers, and the witch hazel. Not pleasant, but no more painful than the office procedure. And infinitely cheaper.

If you decide to do it yourself, remember to keep the tools scrupulously clean (perhaps cleansing them by fire immediately before use). And two tips: soak your feet in warm water and mineral salts first for 20 minutes; and use a topical anaesthetic (I've used Chloraseptic spray successfully). And since not everyone bathes every day, it needs to be said that sufferers of ingrown toenails should wash their feet every day and wear clean socks, to avoid infection.

Soaking the feet every day, even more than once a day, can also provide relief.

The other treatment offered, which I am avoiding at present, is to reboot the toe: remove the entire nail, and hopefully it grows back without the offending curvature.

[2004-01-31 07:59:00] another timmy

It's a very fine line. It doesn't take much absynthe to ruin the drink, especially in a little plastic cup. I recommend being drunk before you start adding the absynthe.

Foot Care [2004-01-31 08:33:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

It's usually the dead skin that is a problem. Cut the big toe nail rounded so that little by little there is less side surface. There is a product I think called "Pretty Hands" that I thought would soften my hands after bricklaying, but it took off all the dead skin! Recently, I had edema and my feet ballooned to clown-like proportions. Now, my feet have completely peeled. My toes usually don't bother me. What is sometimes helpful is to soak feet and remove dead skin. Drink absinthe until some dribbles onto your toes.

I disagree [2004-01-31 08:56:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

with the part about cutting nails straight across. That might work for some people, but I've kept my big toes at bay by rounding the nails. I wear loose shoes mostly, and barefoot a lot. It's important to let your feet breathe, and to let other people breathe your feet.

drinking [2004-01-31 13:32:00] posthumous

thank you, judges, on behalf of both of us. Pithymood did most of the work. I was necessary only because I've actually seen most of these movies.

And Biscuit, it doesn't take (m)any drinks to get me doodling on bar napkins... (a cheap date!)

...assuming you mean drawing when you say doodling...

Yes, drawing [2004-01-31 13:53:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

Yes, drawing. I trust that you wouldn't do anything to embarass me in the bar involving bar serviettes.

Do your feet smell and does your nose run? [2004-02-05 23:39:00] jonas

Oh no, you've been built upside-down!

boilermaker [2004-02-14 21:20:00] Brian

how to make a boilermaker
one shot of wiskey, add to mug of cheap beer, drink fast

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