By: Dead.deff Indian
[2004-03-02]
Clerk Workshop
Nadsat may not be so far off.
Hello to you clerks who work long and kinda hard/boring days behind the desk of a local buy magazines/beer/eggs/purple sprayed ham/milk that can paint drawings in your mothers windshield and in its location on the forehead/cigarets who make you wanna cut onions/cotton from poland/willows 10 step party cheer upper education video: lets party with elfs and dance polka and have olympics cause the main event in the bushes are hog rodeo, store.
Sincerely I would like to thank you for inventing time and listening god awful bum bum rock 2 am while my monkey wrench is stuck in the toilet seat under circumstances that would make ya cut yourself with cornflakes and shave ya head purpleblue so your huge tv antenna thats hidden inside ya smelly grey coloured brains, with by the way resembles much like strawberry jellyfish.
Thank you also 4 my pennys I found inside my 3 dimensional belly.
I also like 2 whisper the most prettyest pirate cag in ya ear while ya make wofles from concrete and Emerson Lake and Palmers old, very scratchy longplay miniboard boxes.
I would thank the editors who helped my pull my daughters ears cause she stole 200 000 000 year old Chevy Nova from my backyard doghouse, what is by the way coloured red and has and unique collection of dogs own dirty magazines inside it.
Chears and best of luck to all of those who marry cows because their sisters and brothers allready said no.
Thank you Universe for making me so stupid that I thought millionaires were actually just some old and bald men who once worked as a journalist in some magazine called Herald in some town.
Let's go to right, both the same time when me meet each other next time.
I like your bike and your washing machine that goes whit liquid air. Thank you and HELLO.
Ps. This is not an IQ test, nor is it and bear that worships colours so blindly it makes me wanna bum bum shake the room............
Have you noticed that the check out line in the Quick Stop Stores sometimes get really slow? I mean, like here comes somebody that gets ten Slurpees and then gets to the counter and orders ten kinds of pizza, egg rolls, hot dogs, rolled-up pizza dogs, and then some condoms, and then some generic menthol cigarettes which the clerk from Guatamabuddhastan can't figure out which ones they are and holds up pack after pack of cigarettes until they figure out that they don't have that kind and start the process all over again until they can agree on a second choice, then the person wants to also buy several money orders to send to wives, cousins, revolutionary aid committees, the loan company, the phone company, and the landlord, and then has a list of fifty sure-fire lottery number to read-off for purchasing worthless bits of paper. Someone needs to take both this person and the clerk out to the dumpster and slam their heads in the lid a few dozen times until they understand that Quick Stop doesn't mean that you are in a Third World Sooper Mkt., but that if you take thirty minutes instead of thirty seconds for a transaction, it's not quick anymore. These retards could fook-up a wet dream. I am honestly convinced that it is a conspiracy to turn this place into a dysfunctional Third World backwater. What is quick service in their part of the world? I dunno, I don't think that they have cash registers but are still on the goat barter system. If they take more than five minutes for a transaction at a Quick Stop, they should get deported. I'm not in the refugee rehab business at this time.
You should probably win a colour tellie for Christmas.
A Sermon on the Mount for Our Time
Maybe they can save the leftovers to make hot dogs.
As a clerk I remain largely unsatisfied with your recent "Clerk Workshop". The content of that workshop, far from enhancing my clerking skills as promised in the pamphlet, appeared to be taught by someone who heavily abuses either large quantities of stimulants or depressants, although I am not ruling out the possibility of both at the same time. Needless to say, both my employer and myself wish to have the money we invested to allow me to attend the Clerk Workshop returned including the cover charge. I, separately, would go on to strongly suggest that the next Clerk Workshop deal with new clerking paradigms and possibly go on to cover efficient cashier algorithms rather than the previous "4 my pennys I found inside my 3 dimensional belly." While I'm sure management had the best of intentions in employing the previous speaker, I also dearly hope you learn from past mistakes and am looking forward to next year's "Clerk Workshop".
Sincerely,
Hatless Jack
You know, I probably have the responsible person's aol address. They've been becoming increasingly tech savvy over the past two days as they picked up an anonymous email address in the second email, and the third (last, so far) one had a forged header that made it look like I sent a file to someone and it bounced back. Personally, I think it's cute, some little chick going to an illicit Croatian warez site to get back at the mean people who said bad things about their sorority and all, but do you guys want to compare notes?
Now that I look at it, looks like I also snaged an IP address, but aol has that whole block ip thing going on. Are you guys just getting bounced back messages, or do I actually have to worry about someone getting a virus from my spoofed email address?
I think that the ISP's (Interlocutory Stentorian Perambulator) should filter all of that as so exampled in your receiving a clipped and annotated message. I have heard of a lot of complaints from cable customers about their addys being used for spurious spamming and also Yahoo is complaning of a Trojan although in Yahoo's instance I believe that it is a security lapse not involving a virus.
Is a score of 522.5 good? I didn't see a high score panel.
i just got 780.1... i think there is room for improvement.
I forsee many problems if we are ever to get this new sport to the profesional level. First, where are we going to find the massive number of suicidal penguins necessary to fuel competions, secondly are only yetis (what is the correct plural)alowed, to compete, and if so where will they where their sponsor's logo. Also land mine spacing would have to be made uniform.
By the way, high score 924.05, has any one managed to top 1000?
990.3
Jonas, we hate you...
That yeti is pushing into his late forties, assuming he was in his twenties when he was declared the Reinhold yeti back in 1978. Imagine the distance we could get if we brought in one of those fresh yetis jacked up on Androstenediol and let him use his "practice" corked cudgel.
Also: I've gotten to 862 but I had to hit six mines, and that's never ever ever going to happen again.
I can see Tommy Lee Jones doing Ty Cobb at a Plaid Pantry.
999.9
1046.6
I Win... 1132.8
Scored 1107 today. I'm in competition with a co-worker(scored 1175 last week).