By: Morticia [2004-03-09]

Tony

wasn't this in Reader's Digest? and a science fiction story?

Have you ever been blamed for something you didn't do?

Perhaps punished unjustly for a crime you didn't commit?

When I was a small girl in the depths of my troubled childhood, fraught with all manner of dysfunctionality, I came to know a fellow named Tony. He was amiable enough and started hanging around with me about the time things were really starting to heat up around the ol' homestead.

At five years of age I found myself in the middle of a custody battle from hell and I was lonely and afraid. He was always there when I needed him for solace and comfort and eventually became my constant companion. But it wasn't long before I found out that my new friend had a penchant for doing evil things.

In the beginning it was innocuous stuff, pulling the dog's tail, dismantling live bugs, the usual kidstuff. Soon his habits turned to a broader, more sinister spectrum - gleefully trashing other children's things, stealing from the corner store. And because we were always together, I always got blamed.

But this didn't deter me from being with Tony. I came to love and depend on him. Soon Tony was visiting me late at night and many a night my mother would come into my room to admonish me for giggling and banging and crashing around my room and I would say, "But it was Tony, Mommy." She never ever believed it was, though. Not once. It was always MY fault if something got broken or stolen, MY fault if a neighbor kid said he got cornered and was made to give up his penny candy in the back alley. Soon Tony and I were going further and further abroad as we were allowed more leeway, walking to other neighborhoods so he could beat a cat to death or stomp on someone's pretty rows of flowers.

I must admit I never left his side during these incidents. I was fascinated by the disemboweling of the class hamster at recess in the dark corner of the furnace room. The stealing of precious possessions out of the cloakroom and the pile of booty that was accumulating in my closet. Why I let him use my closet for his stash I will never know. Gradually as I made more friends and moved on to other pursuits, he disappeared from my life until I had forgotten him completely. He was gone from my childhood memories completely.

It wasn't until a couple of decades later I found out who Tony really was and I found it shocking and unbelievable. It seems that Tony was an invisible friend I had through the ages of five to seven. My whole family has backed this up as fact. And as it was discussed in great detail, the truth slowly came back to me. There never was a Tony after all. Now I may not be infamous to the general population, but during that mysterious reign of terror in my neighborhood... I was.

The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins [2004-03-09 00:52:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

One of my sisters had a friend named Lyla for a time. For me, it was a huge collection of hats: I could change identities by changing hats. A quick search for "alter ego scapegoat" says that's why Xtians invented Satan. The idea of an alter ego is interesting to me, I think that many people have one, and as people's lives become more compartmentalized, they often have a variety of alter egos corresponding to the acceptable roles that they have developed. In a rigid caste system such as India, a variety of roles doesn't happen so much, it seems to rise from the nature of Western culture that demands many roles of people. This is all no doubt a rationalization of my own bizarre brain habits. Anyway, you still like to costume yourself in various attire, right? So, people seem to like to have a repertoire of identities, and often a feature of childhood development according to Jean Piaget. You should get a "Tony" tattoo!

60% [2004-03-09 01:21:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

It says that 60% of kids have imaginary friends, so it's more normal to have one than not! What is unusual is that 85% of imaginary friends are named "Tony"

[2004-03-09 04:24:00] Dedas

Me and Tony - sitting here beside me - have never believed in statistics, as they express something abstract, almost unreal, when they try to describe real things, like Tony, sitting here beside me.

toni toni toni has done it again [2004-03-09 14:02:00] caristocrat

are you danny torrance?

there's some good crack going down on these pages. i'll say that much.

Website [2004-03-09 17:56:00] Doc Morbid

Haven't I already seen this one on your website?

*LAUGHS* [2004-03-09 18:17:00] Zim

hahahaha, oh man. Antwan said that he got a email from Annna with an attachment...before he read the FYI...and he opened it. HAHAHAHAHA...wow, that's some funny shit!

[2004-03-09 20:47:00] casey

poor morticia.

PMS [2004-03-09 21:46:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

Casey's got PMS (Poor Morticia Syndrome)

Antwan (heavy breathing): "dude I just got mail from Annna!" [2004-03-09 21:53:00] casey

Hah! I wonder what Antwan's got.

AIDS [2004-03-09 22:01:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

(Antwan's Internet Dysfunctional Syndrome)

Imaginary friends are largely a modern western construct. [2004-03-09 23:38:00] Hatless Jack

One of my professors thinks it originally served as a parental explanation for why small children continuously talk to themselves just before they internalize the internal monolog, and any reference to the phenomenon after that age is either parental or societal influence. He's currently walking backwards through "the literature", whatever that may be, to find the first mention of it. I, however, would rather err on the side of caution and explain it simply as an outward manifestation of demons. I believe it can be cured, like most mental illnesses, with profuse application of fire.

From schizophrenia to depression, you can never go wrong with fire.

Argh! [2004-03-10 00:12:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

fire BAD!

Offshore [2004-03-10 06:14:00] Hieronymous Biscuit

Yep, with so many things being made offshore these days, we can still say, "Imaginary Friends: Made in the USA!"

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