By: posthumous
[2004-05-16]
Zirealism
yer Sunday comix
"Urk!", is the best word to describe this one.
To wit: "Braaaaiiiiins!" Possibly followed by several loud shotgun blasts. And then one of the survivors starts up the chainsaw as the rest of them make a mad dash towards the sporting goods store. They can hole up there for a few days or so, but the plan is to make it to a less zombie infested area like the deserts of... Wait, what were we talking about?
Somebody finally put the bad in badminton!
The expression is pretty much like Ray Liotta's when Hannibal is feeding him his frontal lobes!
Pretty good line work. I'm cleaning and refilling my pens today. Brunching Shuttlecocks, indeed.
...well ain't that some shit...I'll never play badminton again!
How can you resist a free shuttlecock? Ya know you want to deep-throat the Big Johnson, hmmm?
...in Badminton, indeed!!!
Yep, with the advent of hard-carbon graphite rackets, it was bound to happen.
Levitating Carbon-Graphite Over Magnets
Carbon, graphite, diamond, fullerenes
http://www.matchrockets.com/ether/diachiplev.html
What I REALLY hate is this website that alleges to BE about hate...you don't know what hate is. I'm going to show you...keep an eye out in the coming weeks. HATE: coming to a URL near you. --jim/HATER
Will it involve getting a badminton racket stuck through someone's head?
Looks like what we gots here is a good ol' fashioned hate off. What do you hate Jim? Jehovah's Witnesses? Britney Spears? I thought I had bitter pretty well covered, but it would be amusing to see some fresh hate.
...darling Jim, hate is a relative term.
some new, virgin hate would be very refreshing!!!
Yeah, I hate my relatives. Some of them, and some of them more than others.
When you are courting a nice girl
An hour seems like a second
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
A second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
-Albert Einstein
I hate when that happens!
Does time return to its absolute state if you sit on a red hot cinder while you're courting a nice girl?
What would happen if a red-hot girl sat on your lap for a half an hour?
She was blonde..and looked like one of the olsen twins..
a Very Special Fear Factor involving the Olsen Twins and a red hot cinder? An hour would seem like a half-hour!
These are the things that confronted Einstein.
What about Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Garner writhing about on a bed of hot cinders? God, Einstein sparks such interesting conversation!
Jessica Simpson and Lisa Simpson shrink-wrapped.
Olsen twins La mucho hotter than Jessica and Lisa.
Those two just plain creep me out. Dizygotic twins are not supposed to look exactly like each other. It goes contrary to everything I hold dear about the laws of probability, science, and chaos theory. And that is why they must be eliminated
...maybe they're monochromatic twins.
Patti Duke had identical cousins!
When cousins are two of a kind
Regarding the Olsen homunculi... imagine that in some alternative universe, the Olsen twins do not evoke lustful sighs from men young and old whenever their ratlike visages cross a screen... because they're conjoined at the cheek. That image, plus a few hours of forced "Full House" rerun intake, will wilt the stalk fairly quickly.
Jack, I liked Rabies McGee and I'm glad it's complete.
I'd also like to point out that this is the first Zirealism that's actually made me laugh out loud and for a prolonged amount of time. No one else I've shown it to gets it, but the price paid for art is to be misunderstood, I guess.
Has anyone tried homunculingus?
I always wondered what Ron Howard would look like with a racket protrudin through his cranium!
Does that involve the tongue? If it aint perverted it can be made out to be so
..it might have been done by Floyd the Barber, Otis, and/or Aunt Bea. I think that Otis might also be Aunt Bea.
That aint no fuckin question...maybe HE was done by Floyd,Otis or Aunt Bea
I would think that it would indeed involve the tongue. The only thing that doesn't that has the word "lingus" in it is Ireland's "Aer Lingus". And even that depends on the sense of humor of the person you ask.
It looks more like Clint Howard, to be honest.
However, if it was Ron, it might have been Tommy Kirk or Beau Bridges rather than any "Mayberry" alumni.
ick...why didst thou maketh me have to go look up clint howard?!!! and to be honest me thinks it looks more like ron...its not always all in the wrist...in this case its all in the chin...
Howard the Duck?
Moonlight becomes you, it goes with your hair
You certainly know the right thing to wear
Moonlight becomes you, I'm thrilled at the sight
And I could get so romantic tonight
Let's see:
Zombies (check)
Werewolves (check)
Vampires (check)
Well boys, looks like this batch of comments met our quota. We'll ship it off to quality assurance, and... Wait, wait, wait: Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Cthulhu (check)
Whoa, that was a close one. Like I was saying, box it up and ship it to quality assurance and we'll go out to lunch for the staff meeting.
This is pure madness! It's Thursday already...Time for a new batch of crazy cuz apparently we've done used up our supply...you know a new level of lunacy has been reached when the only thing on everybody's mind is MK and Ashley!!!
And they be ho' bags! Matched luggage!
Okay, let's be realistic about this. We've been abandoned. Plain and simple. They're not coming back to rescue us unless we take some drastic actions. So I propose we draw lots to see which one of us will be sacrificed in order to bring about the return of The Editors.
Oh, who am I kidding? The Cheat, fetch Antwan. Biscuit, get ready with that stone axe.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck the stone axe, lemme get muh 9 and bust some mutha fuckin caps! The only good thing about stone axe is the stone part (hooray stoners)and maybe the blood....While we're at it DIE Olsen Twins DIE!!! Their skin would make some nice luggage to store their rotting carcasses in (insert evil laugh here). But to sum things up, any thing with bloody carcasses is fine by me!
Oh yeah, I almost forgotted but I'm so rumbly in my tumbly, MOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!! We're all outta da frozen peanutbutter and jelly sammiches again! And could you also get some castoria cuz I haven't shit for a month of sundays and I can't stand that fuckin turd layin sideways in my intestine...but like I always say, shovel it in, shit it out!
My God, that's just lazy enough to work!
Pork Bellies are up! Belly-up in this commodity market is a good thing! OK, so who would like 40,000lbs of pork bellies?
I must be halucinating from the hunger.
I got six toes, and I hit my head...now I gotta get it cut off...my toe not my head! No wonder those damn toe socks never fit me right! Do they make frozen pork belly and jelly sammiches? If not then, well go figger, life's like a whore, it's always fuckin sumpin.
Yeah, but whoring, what a business! You got it, you sell it, and you still got it.
Now-a-days it seems like anybody can be a damn stupid Canadian, so I figgerd I might as well be one..See ---> http://www.jenn.com/canadian/cert.cgi?name=Sir+Jack+Meoff
Thanks for the link...now I can be stupider than I already am, oh joy!
Hey, a certificate like that for Rene Leveque would be something, an honorary Canookie.
I got to tell u Tink...we do not use that kind of language in this house...don't let me catch u usin that "C" word again...Maple leaf schmapel leaf....pork bellies r up? sounds like a pig tale to me..then again i dont follow the stock market or the livestock market..just the sale ads for frozen peanutbutter and jelly sammiches.this lil piggy went to market...god Tink did u have to tell the world about our genetic discrepencies?it wasnt easy playin this lil piggy what with u and that 6th filange and what not..do u suppose it would be possible to open a bottle of wine with a wild boars genitalia?
Youse can open a corked bottle of wine like this: take yer T-Shirt off if you don't have a towel, and fold it into a small pad, place the pad on the bottom of the bottle, and bang it butt-first against a tree. After ten, or twenty or thirty taps, the cork will start to rise enough that youse can grab it with your fingers to pull it out. I've uncorked many wine bottles like that with no corkscrew.
Bull Dick Walking Stick
You know, I just realized that most of your comments are strongly reminiscent of the liner notes from the old Big Black albums. I mean this in a good way.
You mean like Pigpile and Hammer Party? Ummm...I guess so, maybe.
i guess if ur takin a walk in the woods or sumpin and ur hungry u can eat the cane like beef jerky...to go with the wine that got opened with the t shirt...like the teddy bear's picnic...hey tink there's us a new din~din...its quicker than defrostin p& j sammiches
Turkey Jerky told Ducky Lucky that Goosey Lucy said that the banana bread had little seeds in it, so would require habiliments leathern and black with chrome adornments all studly between zipperish fastenings, snaps, buckles, grommets, rings, snaffle-bits, buttons and bows.
I think Biscuits comments r rather provocative...or maybe its just becoz i have my mind in da gutter...pretty crowded there too I must say...and Chicken Little said the sky is falling ..and the rooster said cock a doodle doo and the whore said any cock'll do...leather and buckles and rings,oh my! leather and buckles and rings,oh my!The Wizard of ahhhhhhs ...sounds like homespun bdsm fun down on the farm..Toto I don't think we're in Kansas anymore...woof woof woof yap yap woof!(In dog speak this translates as "then who's ass ARE we in Dot")
Flapdoodle&Verathane, Inc. Ltd. PDQ; Spare Anatomical Parts Supply Co.;
Dear Sir and/or Madam:
Please to be sending to me a parts catalog and current updated price list.
Thank you, it has been a business doing pleasue with you.
Mucilaginously yours,
Hieronymous Biscuit
...does that cumpany sell hymen repair kits?
I think this is what they do with spare body parts leftover frum gender bender operations...http://www.kyledow.com/mcflapps.jpg
I hate when i repeat myself....dont u hate that when u do that jimhater?
Hmmmm...if only ol' Jeffy was still alive, he'd be sayin..."soilent green is made out of people". Why buy body parts when you can raid his freezer and get them for free?! If he had things his way, he'd be lickin Ron Howards flesh right offa that tennis racket...MMM MMM now that's good eatin!
I guess at least ol'Jeffy ate what he killed...hell he knew how to save...he couldve entered that contest...there must be 50 ways to eat ur lover...recycle Michael, ground Chuck,maul Paul, eat Pete,behead Fred...screw em then fondue em...least he didnt fuck em and forget em....oh yeah so hey neighbors stop cumplainin that i cook with garlic would ya ...he couldve been an honorary Cannibaladian
Where u save money frum the tips in the contest...u can splurge on this love tip...
http://www.nataliedee.com/051704/itmustbelove.jpg
I promise not to use anymore links til i figger out how to use that goddamn hyper link thing...it sux bein cumputer illiterate...and i aint even an honorary "C"word yet!
What I do with my wimminz is to send them to the Virgin Islands for re-cycling.
HOGS MATING
In warmer climates, they mate year round. The most amazing thing about the penis of a wild boar is not that it's 18 inches long, and it's not even that it has a peculiar corkscrew device on the end. The truly amazing thing is that it twirls around and around as the animals copulate.
Seeins how i didnt enter the monkey mask contest this time(frankly i think its fixed...maybe the tallys r counted in florida...maybe all the tally whackers r in florida)a money savin tip id like to share on a cheap meal (besides goin to the grocery store deli and eatin the bonless chicken in the plastic containers then discardin the plastic container...no way Im payin 6 bucks for an empty chicken container)this could be a nice place to visit and not too hard on the wallet...(i said hard on snicker snicker)
http://www.nataliedee.com/020304/what-are-you-talking-about.jpg
Where ur treated like royalty...even when ur a royal asshole
http://www.nataliedee.com/022304/queenofengland.jpg
We need new material!! The boys have digressed into thoroughly disgusting and depressing topics...Help meeeee...
That's what happens when you get a badminton racket stuck through your gulliver.
At least we'll get a new Zirealism in roughly 37 hours... Unless Annna's dead, and, honestly, that's a distinct possibility at this point.
I bet she's out at the clubs dancin' the Funky Chicken.
Being disgusting is fun....If ya can't stand the heat get outta the kitchen...If thy left eye offend then ..PLUCK IT OUT and if thy right eye offend thee..PLUCK IT OUT...and hopefully nobody will dig them out and skull fuck ya. signed...one of the girls
I bet SUm people dont even courtesy flush...
http://www.funny-pictures.com/ecards/games/?cardurl=hammer.html
A cuddly teddy bear...
http://www.funny-pictures.com/ecards/bear/?cardurl=1.html
http://funny-pictures.com/
I give you the world's scariest actor.
It's not Chris Walken.
Note the role he played in the 1999 tour-de-force "Tyrone". It must be nice to have your choice of projects on which to work.
to the Adult section of that site unless ur a dude...or u like disgusting things : )
You know I was only joshin' ya...disgusting is a way of life that should be embraced wholeheartedly...what should not be embraced wholeheartedly is a practically one-week old Zirealism...signed, A- Far-From-Delicate Young Lady who enjoys pork rinds and PBR
I wasnt seriously bashin my own kind...just a lil reality checkin'...oh wait i dont know reality myself after that damn matrix movie..well way before that the truman show had me wonderin what its all about alfie...i do however know the reality of pbr...i guess theres nuttin wrong with quantity instead of quality...i know that first hand onaccounta im prone to busch lite...pbr was my first drunken experience as a kid ..i passed out and puked under the christmas tree...ho ho ho
PBR? If you mean Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, I can't tell you right now that if you drink a six-pack of Pabst to wash down a half-dozen pickled hard boiled eggs, the next morning your farts will peel the paint off the walls, and also knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at fifty yards.
Pure Belly Rot...The night was dark
The sky was blue
Around the corner
A shit wagon flew
A bump was hit
1) Being strangely compelled to look at the same web page several times a day
2) Seeing nothing new on this web page I am strangely compelled to look at several times a day
3) Knowing that being strangely compelled to look at the same web page several times a day causes a pleasant tickle inside me.
4) The overuse of the word "compelled"
Wait...what?
PBR-$3.49...poems-$any number of dollars...PBR in a poem-$priceless
Here's my plan. Somebody needs to turn the page, so I will do it. But first, someone has to lick my thumb. No, yeah that's my thumb. Whaddya mean, it tastes like chicken?
The comments r new .. i think its like a sci fi thing frum outer limits ...welcum to the hotel thingihate.org~ia..u can check out anytime u like butt u can never leave...(insert awesome guitar riffs here)... is a thumb technically a finger? is that ur thumb or r u just happy to see me ...at least ur thumb dont taste like fish
As opposed to what?
Don't try give give me that jive crap, "But it's supposed to taste like fish!" Good, healthy young cooter tastes like cantaloupe. Oh. But yours has tentacles and a parrot beak. That's a whole different kettle of fish, eh? Feast on the yeast, eh? It don't go faster with barnacles and seaweed on the hull, eh? Bilgewater.
Butt i aint no psychic....I dont know where that thumbs been...older healthy cooter dont taste like fish either...i dont think anybody should eat anything that smells fishy unless its fish...
if u browse through these photos u will see the olsen twins dont really look anything alike at all...
http://www.smlinks.com/sotw/why/
http://www.ryano.net/iraq/?941909
Support Your Local URL
...do you find all of these
things?
or WHERE has thumbkin been...Feel no thumb,see no thumb,smell no thumb...ohhhh i see by the link ur thumbkin DOES taste like fish...so its not a matter of WHERE your thumb has been ..butt in WHOM...umm the sites just jump out at me...ad they happen to go with the theme..maybe its an act of God..i highly doubt it as i am high on His shit~lit this millineum....That Hoodoo that Udoo So Well~how do u make those friggin hyperlinks!!!!!I went to the link that tells how to make the link butt me no understand cumputer geek lingo so i am linkless in Seattle...only i aint in Seattle..so i reasd it and hten it gives me a headache and then i have to take a socially acceptable aspirin and go lie down...
15 and 1/2 hours til Sunday and Sunday means new Zirealism (I hope)
There once was a man with a smile
Who lived in a shoe for awhile...
http://www.kontraband.com/ this site has lots of things related to the topics here...thanx i will go practice makin hyperlinks and pulling out my hair!!!!hey perhaps i can cheat and just make the links in my name!
There once was a man with a smile
Who lived in a shoe for awhile
Then moved to a hotel
Because of the smell
Which was ever so exceedingly vile
or
There once was a man with a smile
Who lived in a shoe for awhile
'til an army of ants
invaded his pants
They marched up his leg single file
Leads to another...One thing....I think the spiral effect of the comments is pretty darn intersting in itself...patience is a virtue...i once cumplained about havin no shoes til i saw a zirealism
with no feet...
I miss the Fixx. They had a sound that was unlike 10% of the other bands during that time.
There're a couple of current TV commercials that crack me up; one's got these black&white cows walking around really fast to Blondie's One Way or Another. I forget what the commercial is for, but it makes me laugh. At least my feelthy songs won't likely end up as TV commercials.
Let's get jim/hater...he wont like it...he hates everything..Hey jim/hater!he likes it!...nah he prolly hates it as well...
I found this site along time ago ..its really cool...i would like sum of whatever he's on....
http://www.hoogerbrugge.com/
He's growling
He's barking
He can't find
No Parking
fuck no...so while ya wait dont forget to check out the other links @ hoogerbrugge..they r sum freakshit too
I yam going to check-out what kinda freaky shits they got auctioning on eBay.
We may have to draw the Sunday Comix on youi uterine walls.
Cave paintings?Spelunking we will go ..spelunking we will go...
Why would a woman cumplain about sumone carvin on her uterus?It was gonna be discarded anyway...Like the cannibal said "Were u gonna eat that?" I know what i would've written on her uterus...visit www.thingsihate.org...
http://web.morons.org/article.jsp?sectionid=7&id=2783
....
I think that it may be tonight or so before a new page is up. Those wacky doctors, what will they think of next! Hyperlinks are easy once you get the hang of it. HTML and Java and PERL aren't too hard to learn. Lots of code can be re-cycled and modified. Dreamweaver even has junk for making your own Flash cartoons.
Sorry jeffrey most people dont take eatin ur lover quite so damn literally
You sure seem obsessed with Dahmer. Anyways, eating human parts is customary in some areas of the world. Like New Guinea where they had been eating the brains of their ancestors until it was discovered that they were getting "kuru" a kind of prion disease similar to mad cow disease from that practice. Some Amerind tribes, they eat the umbilical cord of new tribe members, so that everyone is part of the responsibility of raising the kid. One commune, I heard that they made an umbilical stew for that kind of group adoption. Too, if you screw-up in New Jersey, you end up in Guido's Salami Factory hanging on the hook for three days, until they do you a favor and run you through the grinder. The part that was neat about Dahmer was the zombie part, he was squirting car battery acid into the skulls of his slaves to make zombies, much like the poor unwitting victims of Thunderbird Wine that you can find on street corners in the "inner cities." They just stand on the street corner grabbing their crotch to see if their dick has fallen off yet.
Well it could be my fault because I didn't give them a cartoon until just now. but if they're dead then it's definitely not my fault.
It's okay; you're just in denial. We'll work through the 5 stages of grief and bereavement together.
to Make Farmer Jones' Fritters...although i do sport an addictive personality,I am not obsessed with Dahmer...I just like pouncing on the opportunity to tie in previous comments with other comments...I exist in a smaller community...where the choice of curb drinks is maddog and king cobra...I'm not as think as u drunk I am...I wonder if sum Fine Young Cannibal is bein driven crazy just waiting for the moment of body part detachment.."ummm, were u gonna eat that?" I think cannibalism is a very frugal tip...waste not want not...Soup's on
I am havin a few beers butt I'm glad I'm not so fucked up as not to realize that the cartoon we were given "just now" is still the racket...unless it is like the movie Groundhog Day and this is another one of those sneak previews and its the same comix again...sumday i plan to get a life : )
Hi! i am from Croatia, this country is in Europe. and how are you?
Now, I'll have more time to come up with a couple of snappy comments.
Hi, you over there in Croatia! I was going to study Serbo-Croatian language at Portland State University. There was a Bulgarian girl here for a while who was teaching me some words like, "skorogovorka" which is a Bulgarian tongue-twister. There are some students from Romania, too. Hey! Dobar dan! That's the same as Bulgarian! Well, OK, dobar dan, ciao!
I talked to a guy from Romania once on ICQ(no it was twice)He told me a sad story about his wife leaving him for a well hung black man(apparently he believed in myths and didn't realize that penis size is race indifferent.I don't think it's so much the size of the dick as the size of the dick it's attatched to)He wanted me to give him an opinion on the size of his penis via a pic...when i opened the file the pic was avery large penis, the same exact one i had in my email briefcase from a year ago that supposedly belonged to a man in Boston.When i confronted him he called me a homo...then a few days later he forgot my name on ICQ and messaged me again...I didnt let on that i knew him and he gave me the same bullshit story...he sent the same face pic butt a different dic~pic...so i asked him if he had an operation for this one was though still large it was much smaller than the first ...maybe he had a farm machinery accident...maybe he was drinkin thunderbird and his thingy slowly fell off in segments...his name on ICQ was The Foxx ....U stupid Rmanian bastard!!!!
Greetings~frum the USA
i meant the dick its attached to ,not the size of the dick its attached to
http://www.damnthe.com/dildo/dildo.html
Beloved content providers and Peteyologist extraordinaires. Will be deeply missed by the countless masses searching the ether for bizarre pornography of all sorts and a loyal audience most likely numbering somewhere within the double digits. Funeral services to be announced.
Let's see if we get an update before I get bored enough to actually go ahead and write the eulogy.
a fun~eral!! Is there gonna be a keg? I'll bring the bean dip..that'll be a real gas...hey "yer sunday comix" is viewable here..the comments r damn near lil stories in themselves...there's plenty of porn humor and edumactional links all right here on the comment page...The Never Ending Comment Page...
I awready had a spiffy comment for the comix: "Hey! He's holding all the aces and then some!" Just shows to go ya. I probably drank the keg, so just go ahead on with the funeral. The
James River Batteau Festival is a-comin' up, so a week of partay down de river!
The Death Card! Ace of Spades! That guy is dealing Death!