That Thing

I remember one time, there was this thing, and it was all weird and stuff. Man, what was the deal with that?! It was all angry, and it kept, like, biting me and squealing or something. It was extra freaky!

So there I was, in pain and bleeding and whatnot, just hopping and yelling "hey man, get it off!" There were some people there, and they were all just like "whoa, that's sure one angry thing there."

It was majorly pissing me off, too, so I just kinda snapped and started hitting it and hitting it and hitting it and hitting it, and then it like sighed or something and fell off me.

Then Jimmy's brother Carl was all "jeez, we should get a box for that thing," but Cindy just wouldn't stop shrieking, so me and Jimmy kicked it for a while until she shut up and it looked super dead.

It was cool, though, because the bites and stuff didn't ever, like, heal, so I can pretty much call in sick whenever I want to now. My dumbass boss Todd is all "dude, you should get that looked at" and won't let me work the register, but it's not like I'm gonna be here forever anyway.

Man, what was that thing?