By: Furious Gary Smee
[2006-07-25]
SOME FIGHT THING YOU WANTED TO HEAR ABOUT
MAYBE, I AIN"T ENTIRE SURE
This one tough hispanic kid thought he was less of a man since he had shown weakness and gotten himself the pneumonia.
He decided he was going to fight the first person what wouldn't put up
with his bullshit. The first person what wouldn't harbor none of his
ill wind was me.
I took my glasses off, tossed 'em on the
bunk, told that motherfucker to hit me already cause I was done with
his macho bullshit, and if he needed to feel like a man, he could lay
me out so his boner for manhood wouldn't hurt him so bad.
So
he gets right up in my face, tells me I ain't got a chance, and I tell
him, well that's cause I said hit me, you fucking pussy, and he keeps
describing how I ain't man enough to take one of his punches, and I
keep saying hit me, hit me, you faggot, but he never did, cause other
folk separated us.
He tried to notch it up as a win, but this
one guy, Les, he was cool with everybody, and he told that motherfucker
to be quiet, he ain't win nothing. No matter how hard dude tried to
explain it, Les came back with the same response, you ain't won shit. I
just sat quiet like in the corner on my bunk, playing cards with
therest of the fellers, and that hispanic kid, he broke down crying
cause no one believed how tough he was back home on the streets of San
Jose, and no one cared that he got sick and somehow lost his manhood to
a fever.
I ain't never been much for fighting, and I was amazed when I stood up
to dude's bulllying. I was glad then that I did it. I'm glad still.
-FURIOUS GARY SMEE
(WITH A WEE BIT TOO MUCH SAUCE IN HIM)
[Ed: We like fight stories. Let's have some more in the comments.]
did he not win, but by refusing the open invitation, he lost everything.
You gotta be careful with the "go ahead" bullshit - I would have faked a punch at your head and kicked you in the knee with my steel-toed boots, then stomped the shit out of you when you hit the deck. At least, that's what I did to Downs - he was a psycho pain junkie, and I knew I had to cripple him from the word go. I put my hands up and leaned back like I was afraid of him, but really I was covering the change in my stance, shifting my weight to my forward leg and giving myself room for a full swing. I've yet to meet anyone who will remain standing if you catch them under the edge of their kneecap with the top of your boot, and Downs was no exception. I spared him a stomping because I needed him on my paint crew. Instead, I kneeled on his head and punched him over and over in the solar plexus until he admitted that we were done. There should never be any doubt over who is the winner.
i was just outta high school, and was working for the video store i maybe shouldn't name but it rhymed with fockfuster fideo. it was open 24/7 and it was maybe like 2 in the morning and there isn't any customers there. i'm watching "repo man" on the tvs they got stationed around the place. they were supposed to be showing some kinda "coming attractions" preview video thing they make us play, but sometimes at night when no one was there i took it out and put in a movie and slouched over with my elbows on the counter and went catatonic. so anyways, in comes this one guy, he's like the town crazy man (it's a small town), and everyone knows this guy, or at least knows of him. Crazy Dan is his name. actually i think it's just Dan but people call him Crazy Dan. he looks about 100 years old and is all wrinkled and hideous and toothless from what i'm guessing is years of meth use. i mean his face has got dreep lines all over it which are filled with black dirt and hair so filthy it looks like steel wool. and he's got this filthy green duffle bag with him, and it smells like he got somethin dyin in there. so anyways he comes in and comes up to me and asks me how i'm doin. i say ok and ask him the same, and he says "ok, but cops are assholes" and starts talking about his latest hasslin's from the man. and he keep rambling on and on about some nonsense and i go back to watching the movie, tryin to make it clear i'm ignoring him so's he'll go away, and then he starts askin me if he can use the bathroom. i tell him no, sorry, the bathroom isn't open to customers, and he keeps sayin come on man i'll be quick, i won't mess it up, blah blah blah. i dunno what he was fixin to do but since he looked like he hadn't eaten in weeks i doubt he wanted to take a shit. anyways i keep refusin him and he starts gettin' all uppity, callin me an asshole and what-not. and now i'm gettin a little nervous that he's gonna wanna fight. i don't really think he can hurt me, but i'm nervous about him just touchin me. anyway now he's gettin real excited and slamming his hands down on the couter, and i swear they left like black spots on the surface every time. i tell him i'm gonna have to call the cops if he don'est go away now, and then he does, but he slammed the door real hard on his way out. but since they were double doors that swung both ways, it just sorta made a "whoosh" sound as it swung a little bit back inside the place. well i guess that's not really a fight more like an encounter.
I grew-up with a rocket science guy for a dad, and we had to do that silly-shit duck&cover in the hallway of our school at random times. So, what I'm saying is, if you lived with planning to kill millions and millions of people, would you let one simple-assed motherfucker get in your way? Yeah, I am concerned about individual rights, but there is going to be a smoking hole where your city used to be. I fought a lot, I had to. My nose has been broken a couple of times, and both occipitals have been broken. But, what I learned is to grow my thumbnails hard and long, and to cut the mofo around the eyes. I had that, and it ain't no fun. Five stitches over the eye, and seven stitches under. What I learned from fighting is to be a mechanic; I can tell you in advance how many ribs I'm going to break, how many times I'm going to push your broken nose from side-to-side, and how many stitches you'll need to look pretty again. At six-two, two-sixty, I'm not what you'd call a lightweight. Plus, I have tools. Half the bones in the human body are in the hands and feet; and I have a pair of pliers. Oh, too...I have chemical warfare training! Mr. Nice-Guy!
..when i was 16 my boyfriend and his longtime friend were hangin out together at my boyfriends house...i was sitting on the couch and my boyfriend and i got into an argument ( i dont easily anger so it must have been a doozy for me to be pissed off...prolly fightin over whose slice of pizza had more pepperoni), anyway he came near me and i had my knees bent.feet in the air ready for him ....his friend, who was quite a large fellow, happened to cross my path at the wrong time when i kicked...ut oh friend catapult alert ...i sent him jettisoning across the room.....later in life this same friend became a known wrestler in the 80's...i wont mention his name onaccounta i found this web site he has ,as he still wrestles here and there in the name of god,and im gonna email him and blackmail him...i dont think he would want the world to know a girl knocked his ass across the room...right now i cant blackmail him onaccounta he has the power of god protecting him...just wait til he lets his guard down...mwaaaahhhhaaahaaahaaa....frank u shouldve let me known about ur encounter... we couldve swapped stories...dang u mustve led a sheltered life.........i got an easy to read text image... i got an easy to read text image..nanna nanna boo boo :)~
I've never been in a fight. I'm not really sure how people get into fights without picking them and eventually finding someone else who wants to fight. How come nobody ever picked a fight with me? C'mon, I'm challengin' all y'all right here and now. Come on you ugly sons of bitches! I'm not typing it, but I'm insulting all your mothers right now.
ur problem sean is u r prolly still bein breast fed by ur mommy right now..of course u will pick a fight online...sticks and stones may break ur bones butt words can never hurt u...if i knew where u were umm well with karate id kick ur ass...well if i knew karate and umm well if i werent a pacifist...yeah then ud be sorry...
do i get a goddam prize or not? u were just here and there aint that many comments on this page..u couldve said sumpin while u were here...theres a lil milk dribbling frum ur chin..here let me get that for u
Look at me, trying to smooth things over intsead of stepping up to the fight. No wonder I've never been in one.
Ditto the Pube, and we all got tools, but let's not forget the Golden Rule: never bring a pair of pliers to a gun fight.
Which brings us to Sean's question. If you are never allowed to bring a lesser tool to a fight than your opponent, then it follows that you must have your tools close to hand at all times. When you're wandering around town waiting to use you gun, knife, sap, hand grenade, machete, nightstick or fist in "self-defense", it follows that you will find situations in which their use becomes desirable, advantageous, and even logically supportable.
And after all, insurance takes all the risk out of living these days, there's got to be some sort of evolutionary forcing agent. How fitfully evolved is the nature of hate! Did you read the thing about the
rats in Siberia, bred into distinct populations of wildly agressive and placidly tame?
Speaking of old rabbit meat, after my dad died, I kept some frozen rabbit in the frigedator for about five years, because I couldn't bring myself to throw it away. But neither could I bring myself to cook it! OK, pliers at a gunfight...one of my dad's famous quotes, OK he was in the nuke weapons biz, so..."I can afford to make big mistakes! I have a big eraser!" So, don't bring no steenkeen pliers to a nuclear holocaust!
at least the end inspired morrison to give us sumpin to listen to while we wait for the end....
should this happen...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/06/endofworld.html
be prepared like this...
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/06/dac.html
i know im gonna be pissed if we get nuked...coz that will fuck up my plans of my ashes bein placed in a rubber chicken...and a waste of 5 dollars i spent on it grrrrrrr
http://www.leenks.com/link46195.htm
ooohhhhh this guy will really make ya feel like a wuss..
so u got to click on my name for the link that i still dont know how to do
I miss the good ol' days when cowboys would face-off on main street and slap leather! And jousting! also, tilting at windmills!
Oh, too, if you want to watch some funny fights, check-out bumfights.com!
is that when Antwan and The Cheat spank each other?
no, it's when I have bean and green chili burritios
no its when ya have a strap on and he wont let ya use it ...oh its ok if he sticks things in ur ass..gay men arent sissies like that
now i dont have to use my browser to get here ...i can use that extra time to scan the sale ads for frozen p&j sammiches thanx thingsihate!
...you'll have more time for bum fights!
