Ask the King of Prussia
Dear King of Prussia,
What's your drink?
Frank Shacknasty
Well, frankly, Frank, it would depend on the occasion. I like Hacker-Pschorr beer, and Glendronach scotch the best, I suppose. But as an inveterate drinker, it is well to be familiar with the entire bar. Get to know the bartender, too; for often he or she keeps the "good stuff" under the counter. Sometimes, I have a bottle of some really good stuff, then I forget what it was, it was so good! Like the bottle of old German brandy wrapped in a spider web!
Dear King of Prussia,
I've never been what you'd call a sports fan. They've always kind of annoyed me, actually, sports fans. Lunkheads, the whole lot of 'em. Now I'm living in Germany, which is gearing up to host the World Cup. How can I manage an entire month of being surrounded by the lunkiest headed lunkheads from all over the world?
Sean
Well, Sean...only today I heard that the authorities confiscated the passports of 3,500! known soccer hooligans, so I know the tempers are running high. There was even a Soccer War between El Salvador and Honduras that started as a game brawl, and went on to some real fighting. Mexico beat Iran! Today's front page news! Netherlands beat Serbia-Montenegro! Hoo-boy! Such a deal! Yeah, I sort of know what you mean about being surrounded by a lot of hooplah in which you have little or no interest. I might advise a trip to the Spa at Baden-Baden and a little light action in the Casino to take your mind off the pelota.
Dear King of Prussia,
My friends and I all love your articles and comments on thingsihate.org. Stacey likes Hatless Jack, but Jenna and I think you are the dreamiest. Are you married?
AN ADMIRER
Dear Admirer!
No! I am footloose and fancy free! I am available for weddings and Bar-Mitzhahs! Or sorority parties, as long as they don't involve the ADPi girls. I am enjoying singletude, and have no current entanglements. But I have not ruled out the possibility of a contractual copulatory committment.
Dear King of Prussia,
I am currently going to beauty school, with a focus on barbery and friseurmanship. It's something I am really passionate about but all my friends think I am a sissy and have started calling me things like a sissy hair-cutter and ladyboy. I tell them that in the old days barbers were also surgeons and could cut your skin off. But what's worse is that one time one of my fellow students came out with us to the pub overheard them making fun of me. Now everyone in school is calling me a sissy, and always snipping their scissors at me and playing like they will cut me. I try to ignore it but secretly it hurts my feelings. What should I do?
Haircutter in Houston
Dear Haircutter,
Two of my good friends are barbers, and my first wife was a beautician, and a very attractive woman. Grooming is an important aspect of life, and I think the money you will be making will be more than a lot of your contemporaries' incomes, so you can laugh all the way to the bank. Recently, I was noticing that a first-class dye and streak job can go for USD 500 to USD 750 or more! One sister-in-law got into making and selling handbags, so I thought about it myself! What a job for the King of Prussia, huh? So, I thought to get a catchy name. I thought "Ho' Bag" would be a great name for my product, but then I discovered that the designer, Lisa Ho, is already marketing a "Ho Bag!" Back to the ol' drawing board. But, hey! I'll tell you what: if you get into the grooming business, you will always have a demand for your services, you will always have a fine income, and you will always be surrounded by some beautiful people!
Are you having a problem? The King of Prussia can help. Send questions and requests for advice to kingofprussia@thingsihate.org, and stay tuned to see them answered, here on thingsihate.org!
What's your drink?
Frank Shacknasty
Well, frankly, Frank, it would depend on the occasion. I like Hacker-Pschorr beer, and Glendronach scotch the best, I suppose. But as an inveterate drinker, it is well to be familiar with the entire bar. Get to know the bartender, too; for often he or she keeps the "good stuff" under the counter. Sometimes, I have a bottle of some really good stuff, then I forget what it was, it was so good! Like the bottle of old German brandy wrapped in a spider web!
Dear King of Prussia,
I've never been what you'd call a sports fan. They've always kind of annoyed me, actually, sports fans. Lunkheads, the whole lot of 'em. Now I'm living in Germany, which is gearing up to host the World Cup. How can I manage an entire month of being surrounded by the lunkiest headed lunkheads from all over the world?
Sean
Well, Sean...only today I heard that the authorities confiscated the passports of 3,500! known soccer hooligans, so I know the tempers are running high. There was even a Soccer War between El Salvador and Honduras that started as a game brawl, and went on to some real fighting. Mexico beat Iran! Today's front page news! Netherlands beat Serbia-Montenegro! Hoo-boy! Such a deal! Yeah, I sort of know what you mean about being surrounded by a lot of hooplah in which you have little or no interest. I might advise a trip to the Spa at Baden-Baden and a little light action in the Casino to take your mind off the pelota.
Dear King of Prussia,
My friends and I all love your articles and comments on thingsihate.org. Stacey likes Hatless Jack, but Jenna and I think you are the dreamiest. Are you married?
AN ADMIRER
Dear Admirer!
No! I am footloose and fancy free! I am available for weddings and Bar-Mitzhahs! Or sorority parties, as long as they don't involve the ADPi girls. I am enjoying singletude, and have no current entanglements. But I have not ruled out the possibility of a contractual copulatory committment.
Dear King of Prussia,
I am currently going to beauty school, with a focus on barbery and friseurmanship. It's something I am really passionate about but all my friends think I am a sissy and have started calling me things like a sissy hair-cutter and ladyboy. I tell them that in the old days barbers were also surgeons and could cut your skin off. But what's worse is that one time one of my fellow students came out with us to the pub overheard them making fun of me. Now everyone in school is calling me a sissy, and always snipping their scissors at me and playing like they will cut me. I try to ignore it but secretly it hurts my feelings. What should I do?
Haircutter in Houston
Dear Haircutter,
Two of my good friends are barbers, and my first wife was a beautician, and a very attractive woman. Grooming is an important aspect of life, and I think the money you will be making will be more than a lot of your contemporaries' incomes, so you can laugh all the way to the bank. Recently, I was noticing that a first-class dye and streak job can go for USD 500 to USD 750 or more! One sister-in-law got into making and selling handbags, so I thought about it myself! What a job for the King of Prussia, huh? So, I thought to get a catchy name. I thought "Ho' Bag" would be a great name for my product, but then I discovered that the designer, Lisa Ho, is already marketing a "Ho Bag!" Back to the ol' drawing board. But, hey! I'll tell you what: if you get into the grooming business, you will always have a demand for your services, you will always have a fine income, and you will always be surrounded by some beautiful people!
Are you having a problem? The King of Prussia can help. Send questions and requests for advice to kingofprussia@thingsihate.org, and stay tuned to see them answered, here on thingsihate.org!
